Waving good bye to 2017! Sea ya!

5:29:00 PM

Well, hello 2018! Here is my first post of the year on the first day of 2018! Woohoo. Wanted to post this yesterday but after publishing my last post, I went out with my cousins. It was supposed to be just lunch but its very rare nowadays that we get to spend time together just chilling and catching up outside of family events, so it got dragged till the evening and when I got back at around dinner time, I was just hanging out with the husband and the kids at home. Lisa lent me a portable karaoke microphone, so I sang Elhan’s favorite songs and he danced so much while Evren slept soundly. That was pretty much our new year celebration. Partay!

2017 was a rollercoaster ride for me.

I remember on New Year’s eve last year, it was our first NYE with Elhan. I was still nursing Elhan at the time and we spent the last day and night of 2016, just 3 of us at home. And now fast forward to 2017, last night Khubayb, Elhan and I spent it for the first time together with Evren, us four. From three to four, a lot of things can change in the span of one year, 12 months, 365 days. At the same time it still feels like time is passing by so fast.

In February 2017, Elhan was hospitalized for 8 days and it was really challenging but it was also the most time that I got to spend nursing Elhan. He was discharged a day before I went to London for a 10-day business trip and when I got back, I couldnt nurse him any longer. I went to Singapore a few weeks later for aere’s styling event and then went to Brunei for an Eid event and then, aere had our first solo show, the first time showcasing aereMEN and aereKIDS as well, showed 40 looks. Also on the same day we had another show with our main partner, FV which was about a week after another raya showcase with our longtime partner and stockist, Modvier. After that we had our KLFW showcase, and then we also participated at Singapore Fashion Week and then we wrapped up last year with the Dubai Modest Fashion Week. 

Evren came into our lives in the midst of all this. So from being a mom to 1 living child, I became a mom of 2 in the midst of all this busyness without having long leaves to sort things out or plan properly. But, God is great. His plans for us are always even better than anything we can plan ourselves. Even though we have to deal with what life throws at us which leaves us stressed out or just feeling that life can get so challenging juggling it all, have faith that His plans for us are the best. Because once we get past through it, when we look back, we will see that it was for the best. 

Even when we do something that makes us really happy, it doesn't mean that we don't get stressed out or overwhelmed. We will still feel stressed out sometimes. And managing stress is something that I would like to focus more on now. Just taking more care of my mental and emotional health. 

Before Elhan and Evren, I've only focused on work and after them I've been juggling motherhood and work. After being a parent you always tend to put your kids above yourself. So even if we are working moms, we feel like we need to work harder when we have more kids as we have more kids to take care of. In a good way though because the kids make me feel even more driven and motivated. But, that's just how I personally feel about it now. But working more means lesser time spent with them. And while juggling motherhood and work, it also means lesser time spent to take care of myself. I can't risk another burnout so I know I really have to take care of my own health too and continue to learn on managing stress levels.

As much as this year has been amazing, there are things that are not so great. Being sick in the hospital is never a good thing for me eventhough I wasn't the patient, it's Elhan this year. So it is heartbreaking to see him have to go through a lot at such a young age. Experienced a few pain, heartbreaks and losses too this year. One of it is the loss of my dear friend and I always remember her in a lot of things that I do. It's the first Eid without any of my grandparents around as my Atok left us last year. Also, having my living kids with me here, as much as they bring me so much joy and happiness, sometimes it makes me wonder how it would be like if their elder siblings were also here especially when Elhan always likes to communicate, play and engage with older kids. I miss them. But, I appreciate and am grateful for the kids that I have here with me.

And in 2017 I realise that there are people who have so much hate in them and are just so mean. I've learned to block out this negativities especially on social media and then move on from it. Now I realise that the delete comment and block profile buttons are there for a reason. I've accepted the fact that some people just dont want to see us happy for some reasons or the other.

Ive grown up. I won't let people push me around and bully me either in real life or on social media. Im already 33 this year and there are a lot of lessons that Ive learned from the ups and downs of 2017.

You only see a version of me on IG or blog. The version that I choose to share. You dont see me feeling down, or sad or the anxiety that I go through in different situations, the behind the scenes, the tears, the stress. Those are the things that I just don't share. I mean how do I even start? And even what I choose to share is only a portion of it. There are just a lot of other good, joyful moments and happy things that I just don't share too. Because as much as I try to capture everything  not everything can be shared or is possible to be blogged about. Even about Elhan and Evren it took me a really long while to share about them. It is an emotional decision to make as they are so personal to me and I want to protect the loves of my life the best that I  can. 

So 2017 has been really eventful, filled with ups and downs but I'm praying for an even better year in 2018. Better for the world and better for me personally. I want to be better for myself and for those around me.

I've set some goals for myself and I hope I can execute em all this year. If not all, at least most of it. Success is not just about money, work or position but more importantly, freedom and peace of mind and being stronger physically, emotionally, mentally and improving myself spiritually. I hope I can achieve my personal goals, and I hope you achieve yours.

May the Almighty determine what's best for all of us, and may we succeed here and the afterlife.

Happy New Year! May we all have a great 2018!

Btw, I'm wearing aere's finale runway piece from the Essence of Grace collection, the first KLFW show in 2015 which won the Best Wemenswear award with aere's VERUS Pants from the LIFE collection. Paired it with Tudung People scarf.

The photos were captured by Khubayb at the Andaman,  Langkawi.


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