On the night of
4th April 2013, my cousin Yeop Rizal and Yong Fasha Sandha came to
visit us at home together with my aunt, uncle and Rayqal. We had an awesome
dinner cooked by my mum. After dinner, all of a sudden she asked me whether I
could help her out as a favour. She said it was a work-related matter and that she
wanted me to go to Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian (#abpbh) on her behalf.
I wasn’t sure. I
was very hesitant. It has been a while since I last went to any big events. Ever
since I came out of the hospital I have not been myself especially in places
with so many people. The most recent two events I went to, a wedding of a
friend and a dinner event on health in Jakarta, didn’t go too well for me. I
was overwhelmed by the occasion. By the crowds of people. By the loud noises.
By everything. There were just too many triggers that made me break down,
eventhough I was okay most of the time.
However at the
same time, I consciously realize that I have to fight this mental block. To try
and return to my normal self especially when it comes to being out of my own
home. My comfort zone. It takes a lot of effort. Every smile is a battle. Every
step outdoors is a struggle. People may not know how I feel inside as I’m
smiling almost all the time. (Especially in pictures) But it is very hard. But
I still try my very best.
