"My friend who's more like a dear sister to me, Hasanah Hilmi reminded me this of birthdays:

'When we reach our day of birth, it also means that we are closer to death. Although it is customary that we celebrate it out of joy, we should remind ourselves of death.'

Rather than celebrating it for fun we need to reflect, on the gifts that we have been blessed with. And that we are going closer to death. What preparations have we made since we are going even closer to death? This hit me hard because it reminded me of how ignorant I was in the past. Our preparations will never be enough because we need to remain consistent in learning and and keep on going to become a better person than we were yesterday to seek the pleasures of the ONE who created us.

This year, I am reminded of death. Not just my own as I'm aging, but of my daughter. She's no longer here. I'm reminded of the beautiful memories I managed to spend with her, of the beautiful moments that Monday morning at the time I gave birth to her, of the time I finally met her after I delivered her via c-section that Monday, and her death every single moment of the day. I'm reminded of the beautiful overwhelming feeling of happiness and joy when I gave birth to her and hearing her beautiful voice and having her fingers grabbed mine, only to then carry her dead body in my arms a few hours after that. Yes, I'm reminded of this every single day. More so, during birthdays. So it is not that difficult for me to be reminded of death during all the birthdays I come across, I have to face. My child, whom I carried, whom I expected to die after me (like any other mother would have expected of their children), left before me instead. How can I not think of death during every birthday that I have to go through?

However, I'm blessed and comforted to know that my beloved daughter Putri Jibrael Zumirrah went straight to heaven on that beautiful Monday."