Expect the Unexpected V : How Do You Deal with Loss?

8:50:00 PM

Peace be upon all of you.

May you find this piece beneficial, God-willing.

Loss...

How do you deal with loss?

Loss can make you feel all kinds of emotions.

Loss of valuables...

Things, wealth, health, job, trust, friendships, relationships, status...

If we don't have it in the first place, we won't feel the loss. True?

It's quite frustrating and painful isn't it when something we have and treasure, is lost? But we try to learn to deal with it.We replace lost things with newer things.

But with loss of a person...

Death of a family member... Grandparents, parents, siblings or children... Loss of a child...

How do you deal with it?

We gain, then we lose. Familial bonds created and strengthened over time, with love, only to inevitably lose them. To death.

Kullu Nafsin Za'iqatul Maut.. 
Every Soul shall taste Death  [Surah Ali-Imrah : 185]

Some losses are sudden. Some expected. I've experienced losses before, some made known but mostly unknown.

I've never been more clueless than before on how to deal with my biggest loss by far. It is an emotional roller coaster ride. I thought my trials ended after I  left the hospital. I thought. But I was wrong. It has aggravated even more after I came out of the hospital on a different level altogether. Sometimes I feel okay, sometimes I feel down. And when I'm down I'm really, really down. At times, I don't understand why I act or react the way I do towards certain things. I cannot control my thoughts, emotions and actions. I don't even know how to handle myself, what more the people who are caring for me at the moment. I don't know how they could be so understanding when I myself don't understand what's going on.

So I have to remind myself again and again. Continuosly. Through tears and forced smiles.

Everything belongs to the Creator. Everything is borrowed. We all shall return to Him. 


Everything is a blessing, a gift from the Creator. Rezeki, as the Malays say it (Rizq). Not just wealth, but our own health, people who loves us, our family, friends, knowledge, wisdom, job, status, beauty ... Everything... And whether we have it at all or not, when we lose it, all of it is in God's hands. For everything is borrowed from the Ultimate Giver. Nothing is ours. All praises to the Giver for all the beautiful generous and kind souls I've met in my life.

In experiencing loss, I have to learn to be thankful all the time. For whatever has been taken, I should not overlook the other blessings I am still very lucky to have.

I've so many to be thankful for and the most precious gift I've had in my life is my daughter and her father, and our parents. Family. Friends who are like family to me. I am blessed. Never-ending support throughout my hard times. People who try their best to bring me up when I'm down. Always accepting me for the person I am not only through the good times in the past but also through the hard times. I know now that those who are with you through the hardest time in your life are the ones who truly care for you. The one who doesn't punish us for our wrongdoings. The ones who doesn't scold us when we cry. The ones who doesn't run away.

However, He gives and then He takes everything back one by one because this world is nothing but a test.

Our daughter Putri Jibrael Zumirrah left before we did. Who would have expected their child to leave before them? I didn't. I'm so weak. I'm embarassed that my daughter was much stronger than me. She fought for life. I fought for hers, but not mine. I feel like it should have been my life that was taken away. Not hers. I miss her so much.

I always have to remember that. The loss of my beautiful daughter hit me hard. I'm still learning to cope. I'm still learning to survive the pain. I sometimes think that it is normal to feel the way I feel, but most of the time other people will give me that look. That what I'm doing is not normal.  Sharing about my loss. I'm thankful though that out of 10 people who I meet, only one will treat me that way. 

But, yes I know. She is in a much better place. A place where she doesn't have to feel pain, hurt and betrayal. Where everything that exist is goodness.

The test He has prepared for me, has not yet finished. It endures day after day. I thought it would be over.

I've been overwhelmed with sadness this past few weeks. I was shy to admit before but I'm admitting now. I am sad because my daughter left this world. Only God knows the amount of tears that I shed, it didn't make sense. I didn't know I could cry this much. The last time i cried so much was when I went for umrah (True Love : Unworthy Me) but this time is crazy. It hurts not to have her with me. It is painful to not to be able to carry your child in your arms, but to just carry her in your mind and in your heart. I wouldn't have understood the way it feels and only mothers who have experienced the same thing will know how it feels and I am blessed to have met so many beautiful souls offering me words of comfort and non-judgmental words to me. Strong souls. Thank you for your love eventhough some of you are strangers and some come from the other side of the world, your emails and private messages give me strength like no other.   

God knows best and only with the remembrance of God will our heart find rest. O Lord, guide my family and I to do the right things in this life so that we can reunite with her once again. I miss my daughter beyond words and only You know what we are going through right now.

While I was writing this post, I came across a picture on IG by @muslamic_instasheikh with this verses and I can relate to all of them, God is Great, Praises to Him for this rezeki. Inspiration is a form of rezeki. :) I'll share with you the verses because I find it very comforting:

When I say:
"I always feel ill"
 God says:
"And we send down the Quran as a healing and a mercy to those who believe" (Surah al-Isra:82)

When I say:
"It is too difficult"
 God says:
"Verily with every hardship there is relief" (Surah Insyirah:6)

When I say:
 "No one can help me"
 God says:
"Be patient, for your patience is with the help of Allah" (Surah An-Nahl:127)

When I say:
"I don't have enough sustenance"
 God says:
"Those who believe and work righteousness, for them is forgiveness and a sustenance most generous" (Surah Al-Hajj:50)

When I say:
"I am overwhelmed"
 God says:
"If God helps you, none can overcome you" (Surah Ali Imran:160)

When I say:
"I am struggling"
  God says:
"Allah will not burden you more than you can bear" (Surah Al-Baqarah:286)


Sometimes I feel all these things at the same time. I hope I will not forget this as I face His tests for me. Pain either drives you to the right path, or takes you away from it. Remind me if I forget because there are times that I do forget. I am human after all. I pray that we all do not go astray. Amin.

He knows best.

To be continued... 
This is a continuation of my previous posts:-
 


Expect the Unexpected III : The Training at the Hospital 
 
Expect the Unexpected IV : Happiness & Sorrows : The Experience, The Way Out & My Daugther


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4 comments

  1. Assalamualaikum sis. This entry really inspiring me when facing loss. As for me , whenever we loss something , we must know there's always hikmah from Allah why all that happens. We only planning , but Allah planning are way better for us. It's easy for people to say KEEP CALM , EVERYTHING WILL FINE , but only people who face it will know how the feeling. My humble opinion is , let's get closer to Allah SWT and He is the one who give us Rezeki and all of His planning are beautiful and it will come to us when the right time are coming . :)

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  2. I've experienced loss and it hurts me deeply. I wish I can tell you how to heal but I can't because after 5 years, the wound is still there. But I do pray everyday for strength and for peace. Time helps a lot. As well as love. Love those who are there for you more than you ever loved them. And it's okay to talk about it, even after so many months, years.. But remember, you are strong. And you will be okay.

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  3. Assalamualaikum sis Sabrina. I'm here to share my thought. ;) (as requested in your IG because prefer to be silent reader most of the time)

    BismillahArRahmanArRahim
    I loss my father when I'm 17years. One week before Syaaban. But as I go through your story, I think yours is much much more difficult to be faced. Mothers are attach so much to their kid because they grew inside your tummy. Women are emotional and for mothers, I guess it is much more than single women. I can feel you're trying hard to faced this test in the best way you can. As for me, everytime I being tested, I try to see what are the wisdom. I may create any if I cant see. just to make myself calm. My Naqibah said, "we're tested based on our niat". I always ask Allah for His love. Wanted to be closer to Him. So everytime I am tested, I'll said "This test to help you to get closer to Allah. You asked for it, didnt you? Allah gives this test so in the future, when you're tested again with almost similar problem, u can go through it. Or maybe someone faced the same and they need nasihat. You're the one who will help." Best Kit to Face Tests: Prayer, Al Quran, Zikir, Righteous Companions, Majlis Ilmu. There is a verse, "Faced it with prayer and sabar" 2:45

    Allahualam

    Sorry for a lengthy opinion. You're doing right so far, iA. You are taking small steps carefully and it is good. I'm really glad to read you're started to hang out with friends and been to place you've been before. You're strong.

    Just to add, Qiamullail. speak to Allah; solat. Allah speaks to you; Al Quran. Istighfar; give strength spiritually and emotionally.

    I remembered a story from my shaykh,
    "A mother loss her kid. She went around crying, searching for her kid and everytime she saw kids in the market she just hug them. (If m not mistaken, she get her child back) Prophet (saw) said: "Do you think she would do harm to her kid?" Companions replied, "No". Prophet (saw) said, "Allah's Mercy and Love is much much more than that. He wouldnt throw His servants to the Fire."

    Cant remember the exact but I'm so moved by this story. May this help you.

    Second sorry ;)
    May Allah gives strength for you and your family,

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  4. salam sabrina.

    I hope you are doing fine while reading this comment. I cried reading this post. FYI, I was pregnant at about the same time as you are. And I gave birth jut about a week plus after you gave birth to your beautiful child. I followed your story because I see u as a very strong willed person having to go through such test from Allah swt.

    I may not understand wat u feel because we are not in the same situation. But just to share my story. I had a difficult first trimester of pregnancy, i had some bleeding and was ordered by the doctor to stay on bed rest for quite some time. My placenta was low, so any rough movement will cause some bleeding. At that time i was very much like a zombie because i was sad at the thought of losing my baby. My husband was always there to support me but being a mother I just can't help to feel worried abt the baby in my womb. I cried most of the time, but that experience also brought me closer to Allah swt. All in all, the incident changed me to be a better person. Alhamdulillah. I suffered some trauma of geeting out from the house, basically nk buat apa pun takut that it might hurt the baby. felt like a prisoner in my own house. I x even watch tv or go downstairs, i practically just stay in my room, being all depressed. Alhamdullillah my second and third trimester went well.

    Sabrina, i x know you but I wish you all the bset in your life. InsyaAllah ada rezeki utk dapat anak kalau dah ditetapkan oleh Allah swt. I know u are strong i can see that u have such a strong support system ie your husband, family n friends. take your time to heal syg. it is not somethg u can force. eventually insyaAllah u'll get thru it.

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