Thursday, December 20, 2012

Patience, Perseverance, Relief of Mothers (P.P.R.o.M)

The doctors came in this morning and the first thing the specialist said to me was "Well done Nadia! You did very well. It has been 8 weeks already." I smiled and thought to myself, All Praises to God Almighty for granting us both the strength to survive this long. :)

I would like to share with you the story so far and will try to keep it is as short as I possibly can and spare the minute details.

The Gift

Rewind back to the Wednesday night of 15th August 2012, 4 days before Eid al-Fitr on 19th August 2012.

When I went for umrah in June this year (True Love : Part 1 : Unworthy Me), among the many other things I prayed for, I prayed to God every single day asking him to grant me with a 'zuriat' if it will bring me closer to His Love and if I am ready for motherhood. To be honest, before I went for umrah, even though I have been married for 2 years I felt I was never ready to become a mother as it entails so much responsibility and I was very career minded, among the many other reasons I made for myself. That Wednesday night, exactly 8 weeks after I came back from my umrah trip, I found out I was pregnant. Both my husband and I were overwhelmed with contentment. God answered our prayers. Syukur. :) We were nervous of what's coming but at the same time extremely excited. The next day it was confirmed by the doctor that I was already 6 weeks pregnant.

During the whole of my first trimester, my morning sickness was really bad. And no, it wasn't only in the mornings, it drags through the whole day. There were times that I vomitted at least 3 times a day. There were days I had to work from home as I couldn't get up at all. However, I was told that it is very normal for pregnant ladies especially in the first trimester. I lost a few kgs due to the vomitting and became really skinny and at one point I had to be admitted to a hospital and be fed by drips as I couldn't eat or drink anything for a few weeks. It was something new to me as I have always been a workaholic, have lots of energy and never had trouble eating. However, I always comforted myself, because in the end it will all be worth it and I will forget all that has happened once my baby is born and get the chance to hold my baby for the first time, God-willing. The sickness died down slowly when I entered my fourth month and I was happy that I could eat like I usually did before I got pregnant. I am a really big-eater :)



The Unexpected

Then 8 weeks ago, on the Friday night of 26th of October 2012 (at 16 weeks), I 'peed' in my pants. Well, I thought I peed. My husband and I even laughed at the situation because we thought it was one of those funny moments you always read about, that pregnant ladies having problems controlling their bladder, was happening to me. I felt tired the next day and I rested at home with my husband the whole day. I did not visit any of my relatives at all even though it was Eid al-Adha. That weekend I had urgent work to be settled at the office, so I came in the office to work on both Saturday and Sunday from morning till nighttime. It was nothing unusual and I had all the energy at that time.

On that fateful Tuesday morning the 30th of October 2012, my husband and I were very excited to go for our monthly appointment with our gynae to see our baby. Especially since the last time we went for the ultrasound the previous month, our baby actually summersaulted, waved to the camera and happily swam in the water sac. The baby was so hyperactive even the gynae was surprised. The baby's movements were something we couldn't get out of our minds although it didn't cross our minds to record our baby's movements that day. We were also extra excited that Tuesday because we were told that we might be able to see the gender of our baby since our baby had reached four months. While the ultrasound was being done, we waited excitedly and impatiently for the baby to move about to reveal the gender. Surprisingly, our baby was very still. The baby wasn't moving at all which was very peculiar, unlike the last scan, and we couldn't see him clearly. Still, we thought the baby was just sleeping.

However, our doctor seemed worried. I didn't understand why. After a long while, the first question she asked me was  "Did you bleed?" I was taken aback and felt that the question was ridiculous. "Of course not", I answered, cheerfully and happily. I thought to myself, my pregnancy so far was perfectly normal, Alhamdulillah, so why would I bleed? She then asked me whether I leaked any fluid. Then I recalled what happened the Friday before and informed her. She asked me why I didn't go to the emergency of the hospital straight away when it happened. I explained to her that all of the doctors we had seen only warned us to go to the hospital straight away if there was any bleeding but did not mention anything about any leaking. This is because it does not usually happen.

Being first-time parents, we weren't aware of what the leaking meant. Even though I knew that normally, the water would break before labour, it never occurred to me that what had happened on that Friday was actually the amniotic fluid leaking. We really thought it was 'pee'. The doctor had a very worried look on her face, but she told us to come the next day as she wanted to do some tests. She explained that at the moment, the amniotic fluid is almost non-existent in the water sac but she's unable to confirm what has happened until she can do some tests. At the end of the consultation, she told me not to worry just yet.



After the check-up, I went straight to the office. My principal partner was very surprised that I came into the office after I had the chance to tell him what happened and told me to leave the office straight away as I should be resting at home with my husband. I went home after a few hours as I tried to finish up some work and answer calls from clients. I had work to be settled but at the same time I was losing my focus. I guess at that time, I really didn't understand or was in denial of what was happening. I refused to believe my situation was anything bad. Even though I was emotionally vulnerable, I tried my best to be positive amidst the mixture of emotions. I just drank lots of water as advised by the doctor to see whether the fluids would return before seeing her the next day. I remember my cousin also had low amniotic fluid throughout her pregnancy so I tried my very best to remain positive.

My husband and I started to google up some information on the situation. I remember one of the first things I googled was "water broke at 16 weeks". That night I told my parents of what might have happened and broke down when doing so but my dad reminded me to "just have faith and take one step at a time". At that time, nothing was confirmed yet.

The Heart Breaking Moment

The next day, my husband and I went for our scheduled follow-up appointment. My dad was there too. I was extremely nervous but tried my best not to show it. After the ultrasound, my usually very excited, cheerful and friendly gynae had the most serious face which I've never seen before. I tried to contain my emotions. Whatever she was about to tell me could not have been anything good.

She begun by saying "It is not easy for me to break the news to you". She confirmed that there was no amniotic fluid in the sac at all. She told me that it could be because of my leak on Friday BUT it could also be because the baby's kidney and bladder were not fully developed which would mean that the baby is abnormally formed. She was uncertain because without the fluid it was very hard to see with the normal ultrasound machine.

In an instant, from a perfectly normal and smooth pregnancy, it turned out to be a complicated and high-risk pregnancy. She was going to refer me to a super specialist because this was beyond her area of expertise. The conclusion that I gathered was that when the amniotic fluid is so low at a very early stage in the pregnancy, the outcome is usually not good for both the baby and mother. However, she told me to seek as many second opinions as I could, because normally in rare situations like these,  the baby's outlook is not very good and there was little hope for the baby to survive.  Apart from that, there are a lot of risks involved to both mother and child so the situation might lead the doctors to normally suggest 'termination' (God forbid! Nauzubillah). Hearing that word alone brought me to tears that was so hard for me to fight. It was heart breaking, I couldn't control my tears from falling.

My dad immediately secured an appointment for me to see another doctor right away. I later learned that the Professor is a very experienced perinatologist/feto-maternal medicine specialist which means that he specializes in assessment & management of high-risk pregnancies, assessment of fetal growth & well being, maintenance of fetal health and the diagnosis of fetal illnesses & abnormalities. Both of my parents, husband and I went from one hospital to the other immediately. For me, it was the longest ride ever. Upon meeting the Professor, he advised me to be warded instantly as most mothers go into labour within 72 hours of their water sac breaking. I was also told that the longer I carry the baby inside me with the water sac still broken, the higher the risk of infection which could be fatal to me, so they needed me to be warded so that they could monitor me for that infection (sepsis/septicemia) and any other signs of giving birth.


Reflecting back, it was already a miracle that I didn't go into labour by then. However, even though my family told me to follow the Prof's advice, it was all just too much for me to take in at once and I refused to be warded straightaway. I was too heart broken because just a few days before, everything was going so well and all I expected to see when I went to visit the gynae was the gender of my baby. All of a sudden, my world came crashing down. Only God knows how I felt. God knows best.

My Birthday : The Best Gift : Hope for My Child to Survive

After a calm and quiet night at home with my family and some of my closest friends visiting, I was persuaded to be warded the next day, on the 1st of November 2012, which was my birthday. Alhamdulilllah, I received my first bit of good news when a detailed scan of our baby showed that the baby does have functioning kidneys and bladder, so there was nothing wrong with the baby. The lack of fluids must have been caused by what is called Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes (PPROM), a condition whereby the membrane rupture occurs before 37 weeks of pregnancy i.e. : water broke early (pecah air ketuban). In my case, extremely early. PPROM at 16 weeks. The doctors aren't able to say what caused it.

Once I was warded, I knew and finally realized that my situation was very critical and that any help would be beyond the realms of medicine and man as the doctors could not do anything except to wait and observe my condition. They told me I can only pray that the membranes of the sac re-seals itself as medically there was nothing the doctors and the current technology could do to seal it back. Only God knows what is actually happening in a female's womb (Surah Ar-Rad:8). I knew that only the Almighty God could help and that was when I decided to share my story and ask for prayers from my family, friends and people who know me. There and then on my birthday we decided to name our baby Jibrael  so that we could talk to our child, even without knowing the gender of the baby. After all, angels are genderless :)

The Story So Far

I have been confined to strict bedrest as I am still leaking and any movements I make will accelerate the leaking of the amniotic fluid. So far my Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI) has always been between 1-4 only (the normal amount is between 10-15). Being confined to strict bedrest is a bit of a challenge and a huge adjustment as I am a very 'hyperactive' person. I am always out and about working or meeting people and don't usually like to rest or stay at home (tak boleh duduk diam). 

The doctors and the nurses have been constantly monitoring me for any other signs of labour or the infection which would be fatal to me. And of course, they are monitoring the growth and well-being of Jibrael, although from the very beginning, they are mostly concerned about my health first and foremost. Formally, I was admitted for 'threatened miscarriage' since my admission was when I was only at my 16th week. I only realized this fact a few weeks after I was admitted. This is because, the doctors say that in Malaysia they will only consider the baby viable to be saved ie have a chance of survival after 26 weeks, and at least after the baby has weighed 500 grams (I was told that in the UK or US viability is earlier, at 22 weeks). Harsh, but anything less they consider as abortion or miscarriage. So at the earlier stages as much as I only want to save Jibrael, the team of doctors were mainly concerned about my health.

Jibrael and I have both been struggling every day to make sure that Jibrael survives this. Every day is another battle for us. Every day is another struggle. Jibrael has been very strong, because once the water sac breaks, the body will try and push the baby out. It breaks my heart every time I see how hard it is for Jibrael to be in a fluidless sac through the detailed scan as it is very cramped and hard to move in there. So for Jibrael to make it this far, shows how much strength this little fighting miracle baby of mine has :) I am proud that my little angel is fighting hard. I am thankful for all the prayers that I have received so far. All Praises to the Almighty Creator for granting Jibrael the strength to stay put and hold on this long. After all, all might and strength comes from Him alone.
Day 50: 20.12.2012

Fast forward to today, after 56 days of the water sac rupturing and 50 days of being in the hospital there has simply been too much that has happened to me every single day. We don't know what is going to happen next. Everything is unpredictable and uncertain. I wish I could have documented everything that has happened daily but it has been really tough. I feel that it has been ages since I was first admitted as too many things have happened but at the same time I couldn't believe it has already been 50 days. God is Great. Allahuakbar.

One of the things some people said to me even when it was only my first week in the hospital, "You must be really bored being alone in the hospital for so long". My answer has always been the same, "I have never been bored". If you are fighting for your child's life every single day, with uncontrollable and unexpected things keep on happening physically and emotionally how can you ever be bored? Plus, being alone most of the time especially, your mind doesn't stop thinking and your emotions doesn't stop feeling and you feel all kinds of things. I never stopped praying. My first 30 days especially, I couldn't even rest. Even at night. But then again, I myself would not have understood what I've been through so far if I myself didn't actually go through it. 

It has truly been a roller-coaster journey full of topsy-turvy ups and downs. It hasn't been easy. I thought the hardest thing would be being forced to be on bedrest and being separated from my husband but I've experienced unexpected contractions, bleeding, vomiting and medically unexplainable pain among other things. I have been on drips so many times and blood is taken from me at least twice a week that at one point all my veins were swollen and clogged and the doctors ran out of veins to inject. I even passed out in the washroom once and was unconscious till the next day due to a severe reaction to a painkiller usually used during childbirth (pethidine) because my body couldn't take it and I couldn't remember what happened the whole day.  I only got to know how worried everyone was once my husband told me what had happened when I was conscious the next day and was stable. My face was pale and colourless, they said. They had to put me on drips and force oxygen into me. I know I have to stay strong for Jibrael and that is what I have been trying to do since day one but it is sometimes easier said than done when physically there are times that my body couldn't play its part. Moreover, I am only human.

As much as I always try to be positive, there is always a fear of uncertainty creeping on my mind about what is going to happen the next hour, sometimes even the next minute. Sometimes I fear going to the washroom because I do not know what is going to happen to me or Jibrael. At times, I try to hide that I am in pain or if I see any unusual things happening because of the fear of what the doctors are going to say when I tell them. It can be terrifying not knowing what certain things mean. I have to constantly remind myself that the Creator knows best and plans for the best for us. It is a constant struggle for me to remain positive every day.


My Support System

I am blessed to have received plenty of help and support from my wonderful family and relatives. My life support system. It goes without saying but Jibrael and I couldn't have gone through this without my husband Abdullah Khubayb aka @kneok doing this together with us. But, of course. :) My mother has pushed herself beyond her limits to take care of me at the hospital. If it wasn't for my dad, I would not have been here in the first place as he was the one who secured that first appointment with the perinatolagist on my birthday. My parents in law have also visited me almost every day and have given me a lot of spiritual support too. My family has been my pillar and strength since forever but it is even more evident during this trying time. Friends have also helped a lot in so many different ways. Blessed to have true friends who really care in times of need and hardship. Also blessed to have received various valuable life lessons which I couldn't have learnt any other way through the experience so far and sometimes even from random concerned strangers.

I am also grateful for the team of specialists, doctors and nurses caring for me as they are highly skilled, but most importantly they are good people and very supportive. In fact, even though my condition is actually negative in so many ways my feto-maternal specialist was the one who told me at the very beginning to just be positive as my feelings and emotions would affect my baby. He also reminded me to always take one step at a time so that I won't be overwhelmed. The team of specialists and doctors are all very helpful in helping me slowly digest what was happening to me as time goes by. I am blessed to be in a university or research based hospital.

Apart from all the support I have received, from the very beginning I knew I had to get myself educated regarding my situation so I have been reading articles given to me by my specialist on the possible risks and complications if the baby were to survive and at the same time googling on similar PPROM cases to mine. I found a website of 'PPROM support group' (http://www.inkan.se/pprom/) which is very helpful. I read almost all survival stories of those mothers whose water broke between 15-17 weeks. I also found a facebook page where both mothers whose babies survived PPROM and those who unfortunately lost theirs in their struggle shared their stories with the rest of us. Going through the pages reminds me again that there is hope, as PPROM cases are very individualistic in nature, miracles do happen and most importantly, I am Jibrael's main advocate. I am the closest to Jibrael and only I can defend Jibrael's rights to live as long as possible, God-willing.

The Miracle

Every day that Jibrael's heart is beating strong inside me has been a miracle, with God's Will and Grace. Jibrael is very strong surviving and even growing til today. Tomorrow Jibrael will turn 24 weeks young. I have been looking forward to every Friday :) Hearing the baby's heartbeat is undoubtedly my daily highlight since Day 1. And since the 18th week, Jibrael has been actively moving about and treating me as a punching bag. Jibrael's movements has sometimes woken me up from sleep because I can feel it really strong even though Jibrael can't move full force like other babies with normal amount of amniotic fluid in the sac. The movements can also be very ticklish at certain parts and sometimes even made me laugh to myself in the middle of the night. I was quite embarrassed when different patients next to my bed could hear that I was laughing alone all by myself. But it is uncontrollable because my body is the sensitive and ticklish type. With minimal fluids inside the sac, I have been able to feel Jibrael's active and slightest movements even more and earlier than most other moms. It is one of the most wonderful feelings ever to know that your child is inside you and feel your baby moving actively inside you. Sometimes I just cry at how beautiful the feeling is. All Praises to the Creator for creating us human beings in such a beautiful way. Amazing. MasyaAllah.
 
Truth be told, in my first night in the hospital I was very weak and was afraid to be alone, especially during this trying time. But my husband reminded me that I wasn't alone. I have Jibrael to accompany me :) Also, God is always with us. We are never alone. I am grateful to God for blessing me with this feeling of being able to feel the love of a mother to a child. I would never have imagined this beautiful feeling. Now I understand when they say a mother's love is unconditional. You really would want to do anything for your child. Not once have I ever thought of giving up on Jibrael. From Day 1, all I have been thinking about is to save Jibrael in any way that I can even if it means risking my life. But I also have to remind myself that God will ultimately decide what is best for the both of us. Today, I am thankful to God for every moment He allows Jibrael to live inside me. Alhamdulillah that Jibrael has made it this far, 8 weeks after the water broke. Miraculous are the powers of the Almighty Creator. 


Gratitude and Reflection

Thank you for all your tremendous support and prayers which I have received from family, friends and instagram, twitter and facebook friends. Reading your well-wishes and messages have really helped me in many ways to get through this tough ordeal so far. It has given me further emotional and moral support to face this challenge. Only God can reward your kindness and generosity for your support and prayers. I pray that God will reward you abundantly in this temporary world and the Afterlife. 


With Every Hardship There is Ease

I keep holding on to this promise. May He determine what is best for us as Jibrael's life and my death has been preordained. It's been really tough when clinically and medically the situation is very negative but I have to try my best to stay positive to keep up J's spirits. We sometimes take life for granted when it is actually not easy to live. Many more out there struggling and fighting for life. Let us all be thankful every single day for the best gift that our Creator has blessed us with : This life to prepare us for the Eternal Life. This temporary world that we are living in is just one big test. Tests will keep on coming in different forms to different people at different times, harships or ease. 
We try our best to be patient during hardships and always try to remember that when we are at ease, it is God that has made it easy for us. Kesusahan dan kesenangan. He won't test us beyond what we can bear. May we all pass His tests for us. May God strengthen our patience & increase our faith. May all His trials and tribulations which He has planned immaculately for us bring us closer to His Love and blessings in this world and the Hereafter. Please increase our dependence on You. Tingkatkanlah kehambaan kami, Ya Allah. 

Amin.


Inspiring Mothers 

To all the ladies who are reading this blogpost of mine, mothers, mommy-to-bes and those who are trying to have a child, I know it is only the beginning for me. I am still taking baby steps towards motherhood. Only God knows the struggles that you have to go through and the sacrifices that you have to make while trying to get pregnant, being pregnant and raising your child. Being in the O&G ward, I have seen different mothers from different walks of life with different struggles, pains and problems. Initially, I even felt like I was watching a live reality tv show! It is amazing  to see what mothers are willing to do for their child. I salute all of you. :)


A Request From Me

If you have read this post, would appreciate it you could leave your thoughts, comments, prayers or anything at all below.

Or maybe share with me your own experiences or any similar stories you've heard as I am such a newbie especially to motherhood :)

Love,
Jibrael's Mama


I have been updating and micro-blogging whenever I am able to at Instagram (http://www.instagram.com/rnadiasabrina) and twitter (@rnadiasabrina). Here are some notes of what I've shared during my stay at the hospital : 

Jibrael's story on my Birthday
 1.1.12
First blood pressure reading taken immediately on 1st November 1984 when I was admitted. 1.11.84 is my birth date. What a coincidence. Took it as a sign that I was meant to be there at that moment and time. God's timing is always the best :) 1.1.12

Our prayers for Jibrael
1.1.12
Day 5
5.11.12

Day 6.
6.11.12

Day 16
16.11.12
Day 17
17.11.12
Day 23
23.11.12

Day 27
27.11.12



Day 34
4.12.12

Day 42
12.12.12

108 comments:

shea said...

Sabrina... :'(
I'm really sorry.. I don't have any words to describe my feelings towards what you're facing today.. Your post has definitely brought me to tears.
May you and Jibrael be in the bestest state of health insya Allah. Don't worry, Allah is with us. With you. With Jibrael.

<3
Shea

patunghujan a.k.a cik teruterubozu said...

nad, semoga Allah memperpudahkan segalanya for u, ur husband n lil jibrael

Anonymous said...

Breen, u kene kuat tau. I percaya dan yakin by end of next year (2013) kite semua shackey buddies akan gather semula with our junior's & mini's. :-) ♥♥


-izaida-

Anonymous said...

sabrina..insyaallah semuanya akan selamat..sabar ye.....doa dan usaha....ada hikmah diaebaliknya


ida-anak nik

-tim-timmy-timbolo said...

No words could express how I feel when I read your post. Hanya doa mampu ku beri kan. I admire your spirit and strength. Semoga segala nya berjalan lancar, baik untuk mu mahu pun untuk Jibrail. Semoga Allah permudah kan segala nya untuk mu. Teruskan berjuang Breen... Love you..

najib said...

Allahuakbar...
u both so strong..In sha Allah both of u will survive. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNYa melainkan DIA mengetahui hambaNYa mampu utk melaluinya. Well done Sabrina lil Jibrael...

Skinny Yash said...

Hi Sabrina,

Yash here. Senior u kat CBN. Been following u and ur Jibrael's journey. InsyaAllah, sama-sama kita berdoa semoga semuanya selamat dah dipermudahkan...

Anonymous said...

hi breen..my prayers for you and jibrael in good health..insyAllah ada kelapangan nnt i'll come and visit you..doakan semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya dan selamat bersalin..pls update ur progress yer..

love,
zarith and baby audra

swit@kon said...

i've read about your situation via instagram. was a bit worried because no more posts since the last one. i'm happy to hear from u again here.

you inspired so many women (and men) especially me. thanks for sharing your story. i pray for the best for you and little jibrael.

be strong dear. insya allah. semua akan baik2 saja. :)

thanks

zz said...

I follow ur situation on insta and twitter..and sometimes i asked Shereen. Be strong Sabrina.

Anonymous said...

My prayers for u n jibrael. U inspire me in such way. Semoga di dlm lindungn n rahmat Allah swt. - ezkin84/nurulasyikin

nymia said...

Kak chabina . Insyallah semua akan dipermudahkan. Pengalaman mengandung mmgtak dapat dilupakan dan dia beza utk setiap kandungan yg lain.. Pray hard n always for u n jibrael

Filzah said...

A silent reader here. I am not a mother but I can feel your love and strength towards your son and I pray and hope that Allah will continuously protect you, your son and your family. Be strong, just like you are now. I know it's not easy, but you just have to :D

Farihah said...

Hi dear, my prayer goes to u and jibrael...u have been doing good so far, and may Allah bless u and baby jibrael....keep the positivity in you and leave it to Allah for the rest...He knows what is best for you and jibrael :-)

yati said...

Hi,

I've been a silent reader of your blog for a few months. I pray for both mummy and child's safety.. Both of you are strong and I truly admire that.

Sending you positive vibes from Spore,

Yati

Anonymous said...

sabrina.. that touches deepest part of my heart. you are a strong woman. you have to endure all this because Allah knows you are capable of doing what others might not. your story and youd gratitude to God despite what has happened inspires me.

love,
asms84

Nur Afiza Sulika said...

Allah will never test us beyond our ability & strength. Easy said than done, I know. But have faith kak Breen. You are strong. I never knw you, but always follow your updates thru insta & blog, adore u since then. Take care kak. Jibrael needs to inhale your positive vibes. Loves, Afiza Sulika.

khatijah mohd said...

Ya Allah...kuatnya cubaan Allah tapi
Allah sentiasa menguji hamba yg disayangiNya.
Even kita x kenal each other tp lepas baca
all ur experience, u r very very strong mom.
Ya Allah lindungilah sahabatku ini dari sebarang
kecelakaan dan kuatkanlah semangat
hambamu ini....Ya Allah kabulkanlah doa hambamu ini...
AMINNNN...

Anonymous said...

First of all,. I just wanted to say,. Some people are born to be a builder,. Some are to be a carpenter perhaps,. But you are born to be an 'insperator'! An honest and close to Godliness amazing writer... :) the angel who is tickling you in your belly will tickle the life that you will live soon after.. This is it,.. thr tears, hardship, strength and the love from a mother to her child,. Is the cure to all sickness.. insyaAllah, and i pray,. Soon, when the time comes, you will have the most precious moments of your life.. to see and hold your little angel,. Crying of course i hope! ;) ameen.. ameen.. ya rabballalamin...
From a mother to a mother... With lots of love, you are an inspiration.. good luck!

Anonymous said...

Assalam, hi dear. I have been following your journey on ig and i admire your strength. Recently we have been given our own test by Allah with my 1.5 yo son (3rd child) having an emergency colostomy at hukm in oct. I remember those desperate and lonely nights feeling sorry for myself and fearing for the safety of my baby. I remember those times of doctors pushing his intestines back into his abdomen after a prolapse with blood all over his small body. I remember the fear and pain in his eyes and his screams as doctors try and fail time after time to find a good vein in him. I think I can relate to what you say when you say so many unexpected things have happened whilst being in hospital. And that it is a waiting game. Friends and family say that I am strong. But one has no choice but to be for the sake of ones child. I think if you are forced into such a situation you are on survival mode. I mean as u said, you would really sacrifice yourself to save your baby. And alhmdulillah Allah gives us strength for strength comes from Him alone. We readmit into hukm on 1st Jan 2013 for my baby to have a reverse surgery; he will have his stoma closed. I will be thinking of you and your baby Jibrael. Keep up your positive attitude my dear. May Allah ease your burden and bless you and your family. I hope your father is ok as well; he was also in hosp recently?
Sincerely, surayarashid ♥

Wanny said...

Salam Sis Sabrina!
I'm your silent blog reader all this while,, I'm not even a mom,,
But reading through your struggles to keep Jibrael's in your womb is just so inspiring,,
I couldn't help it, but the tears just won't stop falling,,
U're granted with so much strength,,Alhamdulillah,,
I pray for the best of u and baby J.. InsyaAllah,,All is well with Allah's mercy,,

zephyred said...

Dear kak sabrina,

Can't help but feel all those emotions while reading your entry. being a mommy myself I understand how u keep ur strength just for ur baby & ur super strong I admire u so much for that :)

InsyaAllah semoga Allah permudahkan semuanya utk akak..keep strong & always have faith

Azwin (ur junior cbn/uia)

Anonymous said...

Sentiasa doakan sis dan jibrael, stay positive as you always do! positive mind always win with God will ^_^ inshaAllah

Anonymous said...

Dear Jibrael n Mommy,

Stay strong, keep fighting n have faith in Him. He will ease ur burden Insha Allah.

Dear Allah.. Please protect both of them with your love and your mercy. Ameen

Love,
Elin

Anonymous said...

Tiada kata2 dapat diungkapkan selepas naca blog u ni.. U sangat2 kuat and x semua mampu hadapu cabaran dan dugaan ni.. Subhanallah..

Semoga Allah lindungi u and jibrael.

Aameen

Fiery Phoenix said...

Assalamualaikum sis :)

i have been following ur updates on twitter closely every day since u got warded. i always pray that Allah gives His strength, love and protection to you and also specially for lil' Jibrael. i want to see and i will definitely anticipate for the day you tweeted/updated your pic with Jibrael on your lap, both in the pink of health ^_^ insyaAllah. be strong!

Anonymous said...

Breen,sharina here..still remember last year on nov/dec when we went thru adventurous moment but yet exciting...that time we faced a lot of problems and there always a new issue almost everyday.... sometimes both of us blur and couldnt catch what is going on...but we manage to get thru all of it...i think i have told you this before...my strength at that moment came from you..when i saw you didnt sleep even a blink,it really inspired me to work harder...since then, i really proud of you and always proud to tell people that i know you....and let me tell you breen, same like me and many other people out there who are really inspired by your strength,i believe little Jibrael can feel it too and carries your true spirit with him...but then, Allah is the greatest! Allahuakbar! Dia sahaja yang mengetahui segala-galanya yang kadang-kala kita hambaNya tidak pernah dan tidak mungkin memahami yang tersirat dan tersurat tentang segala yang ditulisNya...maka, hanya doa sahaja yang terbaik buat kita..so dont give up and keep praying..dan setelah segala usaha telah kita lakukan berserta doa, the next best step is 'berserah'....let me tell you something, when both of my parents passed away, i always wonder why it happened to me becoz i still young at that time and still need their love and guidance...fool me to have such thought...then, a friend of mine told me that "Allah takkan uji seseorang itu melainkan Dia tahu orang itu boleh melakukannya" Somehow that words really make me strong and make me understand His plan more than before...So let me tell you this, what you faced right now is something that i couldnt understand...but what I know is that out of thousands or maybe millions of mothers and people out there, Allah choose you to take this path which I think if it happened to me...Nauzubillah, I dont think i could handle it....but you, you are different breen...you are stronger than you think...whatever the result will be, i know you can face it...be strong as always and we always pray for you! lots of love ~sharina~

Anonymous said...

Salam,

I've been following your journey with your little miracle on instagram & am so proud of you to always stay positive & looking on the bright side of things. My prayers for you to keep on staying strong so u can continue to carry out the amanah Allah has bestowed upon you.

xoxo
Mona

Aida Jelita said...

kuatkan semangat ye!! baby Jibrael pon. be strong okay baby. Allah menduga hambanya mengikut kemampuan hambanya. setiap yang berlaku mesti ada sebab dan musabab nya. Allah nak kita selalu dekat dengan Dia. semakin banyak cabaran tu, semakin dekat kita dengan Allah. In shaa Allah.

Hanna said...

Salam Kak Breen, I have been following your updates on instagram. I really really hope and pray that you will be granted with strength and blessing from Him. And I know that you are strong and one of a kind. My friend is struggling with her pregnancy as well. First baby just like you. She just had blood transfusion last week. Thing for sure all mothers are superheroes. They bring miracle into the world. As I will always pray for my friend, I will always do the same for you and little caliph Jibrael. Keep fighting and have faith on Him. He will always know what best for us. May Allah bless.

Anonymous said...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
:)

dear kak sabrina,
i pray for u and baby jibrael's health, always. setiap kali pn sy baca update, saya pn ikut risau. inshaAllah, dengan izinNya u will be able to be active again, with jibrael by ur side! :)

jaga pemakanan eh kakbreen.
untuk baby Jibrael, take food that is halalan thoyyiba.


Assalamualaikum
:D

Sabrina Tajudin said...

Im speechless... I teared up... :,( all i can say is i will always pray for you. Allah loves you so much He made you go through this. Allah will never test A person if He knows if that person cannot bare The test. The more obstacle He gave you, the more He loves you because He want you to always pray for him. We all love you and you have been one of my role model... i will be wearing my hijab anytime soon. You have inspire me all these years when i found out your blog. Its time for me to thank you and pray for you best. Amin... Take care sabrina! We all pray for you and baby Jibrael at the best state! *hugs*

ashieBee said...

hey babe :))

i always believe that if Allah brings you to it, He will brings you through it. have full faith in Allah coz He is definitely the Best Planner. stay strong n positive honey; that is all that Jibrael needs =D i'm sure the baby cant wait to meet his/her parents as much as you n your husband are eager to held him/her in your arms my prayers will always be with you lot!!

*hugs*

Fara Fatihah said...

salam breen.
i had a high risk pregnancy when i was pregnant. during my first trimester, the first gynae told me that most prolly i would give birth at 28 weeks or even worst a miscarriage.
we met Prof Jamil for second opinion and alhamdulillah, with close monitoring and positivity, we made it thru til 38 weeks!
and of coz we were under strict "bed rest" from 7 months onwards.

our situation might be different. but have faith, be strong and just believe.
u such an inspiration.
take care and in shaa allah. God is with both of u.

Sue said...

Assalamualaikum Sabrina,

Been a silent follower through your instagram. I pray may Allah grant you & Jibrael continuous strength to fight and everything will go well InsyaAllah.

-Sue

Anonymous said...

Allah tidak akan membebankan seseorang dengan sesuatu yang tidak mampu ditanggungnya. Saya berdoa, Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan dan ketabahan di dalam usaha Puan sekeluarga. Kepadanya jua kita berserah. Cekalkan semangat dan tahniah kerana Puan telah berjaya smpai hingga ke saat ini.

Lina G. said...

Dear Nadia,
Although I don't know you..and we r completely strangers. But after I have been following your updates through Instagram recently I know that you r born to be a Fighter :) . You such a inspiration to all the women out there including me of cos ;)
I really hope you can stay positive and be strong for lil Jibrael.

May God bless both of you ;)

Xoxo
ASG
Land Below the wind

nad said...

Insyallah..I will definitely pray for the best, for both you and lil Jibrael :) This is only the beginning, you get stronger by day Insyallah :) Take a very good care of yourself k

Anonymous said...

may Allah ease everything for u and grant u endless happiness and rewards for this test. He knows best indeed!Keep on ur positive and strong vibe.. Insyaallah everything gonna be just greatly fine! amin

Anonymous said...

Dear Sabrina,

May Allah SWT grant you and lil J His blesings and Rahmah.
God's have its own ways to work wonderskan.
keep up the string spirit dear , me myself is hoping for a miracle too.

lotsa love,
avid and silent reader of yours

Amalina Zainudin

Syarina said...

Salaam Sabrina,
I followed you on your blog & lookbook previously, before i became occupied with trying to get pregnant, got pregnant & gave birth. Just a few days back i saw a picture of you & Nora, after which i tried to find out what happened to you. I found Strength for Jibrael on instagram e same day and this blog post today. Even though i did not go through a complicated pregnancy except for e last part, i could only imagine what you're gg through. However this ordeal will only increase your faith & love between you, baby Jibrael & @kneok :) Please accept our prayers for you & baby Jibrael. We hope, pray & believe that you will make it through. InsyaAllah. God is Great.

LisaLisut said...

you're strong! i doakan semoga you dan Jibrael sihat selalu. take care always mama sab and jibrael :) amin

syahida said...

Was wondering what u have been through since i just follow ur tweeter.
Now i have the answer..thanks 4 sharing neways.

Sempena Jumaat yg penuh Barakah...Smoga Allah kurniakan kekuatan to both of you.
May u & Jibrael in good health...Ameen

hafiza ali said...

i teared up :( sis breen..i admire your spirit,your strength.u r so strong.u both so strong.u really inspiring me.my prayers for u and little jibrael. semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya. ameen.

Sheha Almahdaly said...

Salam Sabrina

All the while, I only know of you from pictures seen from mutual friends in fb/ig etc. Only recently I found out abt ur story on ig and today I stumbled upon ur blog linked by a friend in fb.

I must say, after reading ur post, I'm moved by your strength, positivity, faith and unconditional love that you have.

Recently a mother myself, I can understand this much, having a baby is the most precious gift ever given by Allah swt. Nothing we wouldn't do for our baby, kan? Despite the ordeals, you remain strong and positive for the best of you and your baby, so inspiring.

My prayers are with you, your baby and your family that you will make it through with baby Jibrael, insyaAllah. Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya, Amin.

Take care.

Alia said...

Hi Sabrina, this is a very heartbreaking story. I know because I am a mother myself. There's a big lump at the back of my throat when I read your story. Be strong. Allah is great, even when we tend to forget him everytime, he never abandon us in our moment of needs. That I learned the hard way. My prayers to you.

Anonymous said...

May Allah grant u patience,perseverence and strength. Im a mother of a baby girl, and carrying another lil angel for 10 weeks.. I literally could feel, what u had gone thru. . Normally, im no sensitive towards others.however, ur writing somehow made me feel stg.. so please, do take a good care, n be strong for.Jibrael :-)

azwin khairuddin said...

I was never been ready of being a mother until one day when me and husband figure out something weird in me.we never planned to have a child or not to.we just try to accept any fate that God had planned for us.been married in nov last year and received good news in dec has made me puzzled for i have mixed feelings altoghether at once.but that was when i first time knows that i am always able to be a good mother to my baby inside.i used to be so vulnerable,dependent,penakut,fikir bukan2 and any other negative attitude that i have but not after i knew im carrying my baby.first 11weeks im having morning sickness just like u the whole day until one day im admitted and need drips.bdn sgt lemah for i cant eat anything plus im having gastrix.but my sacrifices was not so great as compare to urs.im proud of u.until now my baby is exactly in her 100days after i deliver her on 13 sept for she was in my womb for 9monts and 12 days.i am being a new person and i love the new me.im not the type yg sukakan bdk2,i dnt know how to handle kids,im afraid to dukung baby especially baby yang baru sehari but none other to judge u as a mother u've been great and brave enough to have the kids.biarla even the nurse there lebih pandai dukung my baby but im here to learn for i love my baby so much.and some of them was asking 'memang tak pernah dukung n jaga baby ye?' i wasnt shy to admit it 'yes,this is my first time and i can assure u i'll master it' and i could gve the whole world and would risk my life to just for my child.sekarang i la yang mandikan,tidurkan and buatkan semua for my baby.im staying in labuan with husband while family friends and relative semua di semenanjung.i pray for u and ur baby to survive and that everything will goes well dan dipermudahkan.semoga semuanya selamat amin ya rabbal alamin

Norashilin Mohd Rashid said...

Dear Breen,

I have been following you since the first time you posted you and jibrael's condition in FB. It caught my attention and since then i look forward for your updated in FB and instagram. My pray always goes to you and your lil fighter.

Being a mother, we never ask for more than for the best of the children. Putting myself in your shoes, i would imagine myself to be as strong as you because all mothers share the same instint. Your positive attitude has brought you and jibrael this far. Your lil kicker and husband must be very proud of you!

Take care dear. In shaa Allah, His plan is the best. Stay strong and positive. All of us are monitoring your condition closely throught FB, instagram, and twitter. Please inform us for any updates. We pray for the positive to come.

Love,
Kak Shilin

NHazirah said...

Assalamualaikum R Nadia, I've been following your updates since the day u've been admitted to the ward. erm, every burden is a blessing. Trust me. Insya Allah everything will turn out well, sooner or later. Keep your faith in Allah,consistently du'a and stay positive. All the prayers go to you and lil Jibrael from all of us. :)

Lily Marliza said...

Salam Sabrina. You're such an inspiring and strong young woman. I pray for the best for both you and young Jibrael. InsyaAllah, both of you will make it. My prayers are with you.

nurliani said...

always pray for you and your baby =))

Anonymous said...

i'm praying for u sis.
be patient.. insyaAllah everything will be fine.
"tidak diuji seseorang itu melainkan dgn kemampuannya." (2:286) =)

-iz-

Jazica Albek said...

I almost did not know how to react when I came to the word "termination." But you made it Sabrina :) You've made it up to this extent, Allahuakbar. Salute!

I'm praying for you and Jibrael dear. Stay strong, stay positive. Insya Allah. Have faith on Him. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Slm & hi,
i'm almost lost for words reading your story. keep strong Sabrina & Jibrael. my mom was having a difficult time too when she was carrying me in her womb 20years ago. i was found 'dead' twice in my mom's. nevertheless we both survived, Alhamdulillah.
and amalkan baca surah al-Insyirah, byk fadhilat & insyaAllah it will ease your pain. :)

yna.

kautsar abd rahman said...

Salaam sabrina,

May Allah gives you the strenght of Siti Hajar who ran from Safar to Marwa for some water for Ismael. The love of a mother is a miracle by itself and proves to push the limit of love, strenght and peseverance of a human being. Your journey is extraordinary and I cannot comprehend how strong you are, masyaAllah! I went to Gaza last week, and alhamdulillah have also witnessed extreme human strenght spiritually, mentally and physically. When we are sad at their condition, they are the ones who comforted us saying, dont be sad, Allah is taking care of us. They say, Allah will buy from you, your life and property for the price of Jannah. So any hardship that comes their way is a sign they are being tested for Jannah. Little children say, their rockets are high, their F16 are high and their surveillance balloon look at us from the sky but Allah is higher, Allah is All-seeing and Allah takes care of us. MasyaAllah, I am extremely humbled by the people there even the young ones and alhamdulillah, Allah gives me this wonderful humbled feeling reading your amazing strenght in your journey to motherhood.

Thank you so much for sharing, may it become a pillar of strenght for other mothers and women out there. Also for husbands out there to understand better the emotions women go through because you have written so extremely well masyaAllah. Thank you.

I pray that Allah protect you and your family and may Allah grants you barakah, rahmat and Jannah and a safe pregnancy for you and Jibrael.

Assalamualaikum sabrina and jibrael :)

Sincerely,k



Athirah Afandi said...

Assalamualaikum akak,
I'm just so moved by your strength :') I pray for the safety of both you and Jibrael.

Dalila said...

Salam kakak..i'm praying for you & your family..be strong..perancangan Allah SWT adalah yang terbaik

TimShafiee said...

salaam
hi had seen pics of you from lisa's instagram and only today that i came across your blog and read this post.it was a teary moment reading this post.i'm a mother and was diagnosed with threatened abortion during my 3rd month of pregnancy.i bleed and was bed rest for a few weeks and under medication.it was the hardest moment ever in my life.but Alhamdulillah we made it.He's 1 year old now.
little did i know there's somebody who is tested more than i was.my prayers be with you both.i might not be in your shoes but i do feel you.you are one strong mama and so does Jibrael.

My sister lost her baby last october.it was a shocking moment because we didn't know she was pregnant,neither did she.and to our surprise, she was already 9month pregnant,full term (she gained weight after her first baby and with that weight we didn't know she was carrying a life inside and she did have menstrual every month).she started to have this bad period cramp and there was greenish-brownish fluid coming out as well.we went for a check up since the pain was unbearable.only then we knew she was pregnant. it was like watching 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant' on TV.she had be czer-ed that very night since the fluid was the amniotic fluid. the baby was alive for merely 9hours before the little angel bid goodbye.it was a hard time for my sister even though she didn't know she was pregnant but she had seen her baby and knowing that your baby had gone hit her so badly.well, the doctor said we might lose my sister as well if she was not czer-ed that night due to infection.the baby had been so strong inside her mama despite the unknown pregnancy.(Al-Fatihah baby Aisyah)

so, i guess Allah might have better plans for you and my sister.keep on having faith on Him.He knows best.Insyaallah everything is going to be okay.

Much love

M.y.A said...

Salamualikum Sabrina!
Firstly of masyallah and Allahuakbar for ur strength! As a mother of 2 myself, I know what of feels like to protect and do anything for the sake of ur child, my heart ache when reading ur story! I can't imagine what ir going through! But I know for sure that no matter what happens on the end, Allah swt knows what's best for you! Masyallah u can see how much Allah swt loves u by testing u this way! So have faith sis! Insyallah we all pray that everything goes well for u n baby Jibreal! May Allah swt protect u both insyallah khoir!
Heart felt regards
Mya

Faidah said...

Assalam alaikum dear sister, subhanAllah your story and your attitude towards your condition has really touched me. I pray Allah continues to give you the strength to bare this test and makes your child healthy and strong. You and your child are in my duas. MaSalam Faidah :-)

Anonymous said...

You are one very strong individual and your baby is very lucky to have a strong-willed mother who's determined to go through the hardship to ensure the baby survives. Reading your post makes me feel that it is no use for me to keep on thinking I am not ready to be a mother and stop planning - instead trust in HIM and be closer to HIM. I can see that your story is touching the hearts of so many of your readers and I believe each and everyone of us will be able to reflect upon our own life. Continue being the strong woman you are and such an inspiration to many. Salam sis

Al-Hasan al-Basri said: 'Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.'

Anonymous said...

Hi there the-strongest-mommy-to be !
I'm one of your blog reader and I always pray ALLAH granted you a healthy life and send my regards to baby JibRael

ain said...

Assalamualaikum mama to be.

May Allah SWT bless u and baby Jibrael. u're such a strong mama. pray everything will be ok, InshaAllah. my du'a are always with u and baby Jibrael.

xx.

Anonymous said...

Assalammualaikum...be strong kak..insyallah..Allah tak bebankan hambaNya dgn ujian yg tak mampu ditngng oleh hambaNya..semoga sglanya dipermudahkan..

20 cent said...

Dear the strongest mama to be,
im not sure how to say this but i've heard before setiap kali kita sakit dan kita redha dengan ujian itu,maka gugurlah dosa-dosa kita. and now,Allah choose u because He knew u r able to face this. May Allah protect u and jibrael.SMILE please =)

nik ros said...

semoga Allah melindungi dan permudahkan semuanya :)
be strong.

Anonymous said...

Dear sabrina.. May the Lord always be with u and J too. I cant imagine how tough it is..but reading your post really inspired me. .your spirit..your sacrifices. . . You're the stongest mommy to be that i ever known.God Bless

Anonymous said...

Kak. Be strong k. In ShaaAllah everthing will be ok. I will pray for you n baby jibrael.

aisyah said...

kak so speechless mula2 bc...u re choosen one kak...be strong...Allah loves you very much kak...

Anonymous said...

Boleh x tulis blog dlm bhse melayu..saye xfhm Sgt tpy syer nk bcer blog akk..maaf klu mnyusahkan..

Anonymous said...

Be strong Ms Raja Nadia,
you and your baby will be always in our hearts and prayers!!

From Med students of a certain ward in that certain hospital

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum,

I'v been waiting for 7 years to feel a baby in my womb. Have gone thru 4 times IUI and 1 IVF. Everytimes the treatment was failed, of course we (me and hubby)will be very sad. But the gloom will only takes 2-3 days. We always remind ourself: rezeki itu adalah hak mutlak Allah, memberi itu juga hak mutlak Allah, Allah adalah sebaik-baik Perancang.

Till now, even tonnes of drugs was already injected inside me and effected my health, we will never give up.

“Allah tidak menguji seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya.” (Surah al-Baqarah ayat 286)

Bila saya rasa sedih, saya selalu baca puisi ini:

Ada kala kita merasa
Allah seakan tidak mempedulikan kita
Kita kecewa...
Mahu meninggalkannya....

Jangan!
Kerana aku pun begitu juga
Namun aku kekal percaya
Hidup ini ada 2
Jika bukan di dunia
Allah pasti memberinya di akhirat sana

Allah tidak hilang apa-apa apabila kita meninggalkannya
Kita hilang segala apabila berjarakan dengannya

Hamba...
Menangislah! Berteriaklah!
Kemudian... Kembalilah
Sujud. Yakin dan percaya
Allah mendengar semuanya.

Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan dan kesihatan buat Sabrina dan Jibrael.

Orkid said...

hi dear,
I am your silent reader n been following u from the start. i just discovered that i am pregnant..n i hope i am given the strength as yours. your story is so inspiring esp to the mommy to be out there. u have all the prayers from us. stay strong like u always do ya dear :)

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

This literally made me cried. Just when I thought I had it hard from God, I knew I was not even tested as hard as He is testing you.

Your post reminds me that I should always and always be grateful.


My prayers are with you and your baby. May you stay strong and your baby grows healthily, Insya-Allah.

dk3yz said...

Dear Ms. Sabrina,

I have been your silent reader for quite awhile and after i read that post, Masya Allah, i can only say that you are such a strong woman. May Allah grant you and baby Jibrael strongness to go through this very trying time. Insya Allah, sume benda ade hikmahNya.

Hazwani said...

Dear Rnsabrina,
I pray that you and Jibrael will make it through this journey. I believe miracles happen and it can happen to you. Keep your hopes up, think positive as you will attract positive things and positive people. Allah is with you at all times. Take care and stay strong...

Reen Tart Nenas said...

Insyallah. Semoga Allah swt merahmatimu.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I just read your post & feel your heartpain. I miscarriaged 3 times and my pregnancy with my 1st born was a battle. I leaked fluid from 18 Weeks to the day I gave birth. I was a number 8 and by my last trimester, I was a 5 on the Amniotic Fluid Index. Going for my monthly scans was heartbreaking & frightening.

I remembered being so paranoid even going to the toilet. My heart would stop when I saw dots of water on my panties, and everytime I felt wet down there I prayed & would rub my belly to see if my baby was active.

Rest a whole lot, enjoy your sleep & stay positive. Alhamdullilah, I got through my battle with a 4.15KG baby last Feb. That was the greatest gift Allah SWT have even rewarded me with and I am ever so grateful.

My prayers will be with you & your child. May Allah ease your journey into motherhood, Insya'Allah.

Adilah Rosli said...

Keep on fighting kak nadia! Jibrael is so lucky to have a mom like you. I pray that Allah will ease the rest of your pregnancy and delivery.

FaaFalina said...

As salam Nadia,
can I have your email?
I can't post it here as the comment is too long.

Thanks.
Farrah Falina.
(www.ffasfaa.blogspot.com)

Anonymous said...

Tidak ada takdir Tuhan yang sia-sia.

kuat ya sayang.

Moga Jibrael menjadi anak soleh yang bisa membawa ibu bapanya ke syurga.amin=)

-mimi-

Anonymous said...

Salam, kuatkan semangat ya.. Saya doakan Sabrina dan Jibrael sihat panjang umur dan dipermudahkan segalanya.. Ameenn

Anonymous said...

Be strong stay strong. You and baby J will get through this. InsyaAllah. Our prayers will always with both of you. Take care. Keep on fighting and believing in Allah qada' and qadar.HE knows the best.

Nur aqila tan said...

hi dear.. i'm your silent reader..
its good that even you yourself are facing hard time in your life,,you still able to inspires people (me the most)..
i almost broke into tears reading your update here n on your IG...
we might not know each other but..just want u to know..my prayer will be with you n may God Almighty granted you n your lil one health n safe delivery too..
AQ

Anonymous said...

asalam. mmpu doakan moga akak tros kuat utk bby..n dpermudah smuanya..aturan Allah tu sbrnnye cntik sgt.sabar ye kak :)

Fadia Ayesha said...

Assalamualaikum,

Be strong, love. I pray the best for you and baby Jibrael. Amazing things happen to amazing people like you. Allahu Akbar! ALLAH will be always be with you, help you. Be patience. This story bring me to tears. Take care, love!

- mommy to be, Sha -

Hana Ayien said...

Salam. . Moga Allah S.W.T berikan kekuatan tuk diri you n baby. I baca blog ni.. Rasa sayu sgt. How strong u are. I hope u are safe that goes to baby jib.. Moga di dapt bernafas di bumi Allah ini nanti... Teruskan update ya.. Tc. .

Norshakilah Abdul karim said...

Assalamualaikum raja nadia, saya doakan jibrael and ibu kuat utk mengharunginya... cerita dr mula d tuliskan saya dh menangis...hati terlalu menyentuh perasaan saya walau saya belum berkhawin.... insyallah allah sentiasa adil pada hambanya...dia akan berikan kesedihan dan memberi kita ganjaran kegembiraan sampai bila bila..percaya lah...wallahualam....Sentiasa beri jibrael dgr surah surah alquran yer sayang... biar baby sentiasa dilindungi..dgn surah surah yg suci itu.
.biar dia berinteraksi bila dia mendengar ayat al quran....ya allah selamatkan hamba mu ini...

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum. . Sayu membaca blog Raja Nadia..Moga Raja Nadia kuat dan tabah mengharunginya. Baby Jibrael is doing fine and strong like u.. May Allah bless you n baby Jibrael always.

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum.. Semoga Allah s.w.t memberikan kekuatan kpd u n baby jibrael untuk terus kuat.. Semoga dipermudahkan segalanya.. Amin.

ET Hassan said...

Hi Sabrina. I'm Syima's sister (your school mate in CBN). I'm carrying a child inside me who is about the same age as yours.Ive had funny diagnosis as well and hence I can really relate to you. As I was reading this entry (who was referred to by a friend), I was crying. It must be really tough for you and your family. We must keep on thinking positive for the sake of our children. And I'm sure God gives you such challenge because you are one hell of a strong person. Keep hanging on and take care of your health, physically, spiritually and emotionall so baby Jibrael will grow well and healthy. Just know that God is all knowing and he has his own plan for you. We'll just need to go ahead with his plan. I will pray for you so this test will soon end on a good note.Amin.

Kistina said...

Hi, Nadia. Hang in there, sis...

EmyOmar said...

Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya,keep on fighting,if he meant for u insyallah he will always be.My 3rd child was a premature baby when she was born at her 34weeks old with 1.4kg.My AFI was at 4 at that time,alhamdulillah she's growing as normal child now and I'm wishing the same thing for u too

ummi said...

:)
Assalamualaikum...
Alhamdulillah..Allah merancang sesuatu yang terbaik buat Nadia, Jibreal n suami..

still leaking ke? i have a friend yang pecah air ketuban (tapi masa tu dah full term) tp dgn kuasa Allah, sac dia re-seal dan baby lahir berkarung. Apa yang saya tau, once air ketuban pecah, kena minum air byk (air kelapa ada elektrolit n its good, but for your case, im not sure) sbb air ketuban kita boleh replenish by itself. Selain tu, untuk elakkan infection/utk re-seal sac, increase vit C intake, insyaallah...

saya cuma share ape yang saya tau je Nadia, plus Nadia sure lagi tau n have done lots of research.

Doa saya, moga Allah permudahkan urusan Nadia n Jibrael, diberi kekuatan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi dugaan (yang merupakan tanda ingatan Dia pada kita)

Lots of love & hugs for u.

Anonymous said...

Assalaamu aleykum sister! I'm sorry to hear about ur situation. Ur story made me cry as i could feel ur pain like my own. May Allah keep u both safe and grant u happiness and (whatever happends) unite u two in Jannat-ul-Firdows, amin!
Sister Nina <3

af said...

Salam :)
Hi,

Stay strong! You are an amazing mother. Your baby is just as amazing.

Azizah Omar said...

Assalamualaikum, Kak Sabrina. I followed your instagram and I knew your story from there. But I didn't really understand what is going on. Now, I do understand what had happened to you. Honestly, I cried. I don't know. It is spontaneously. Yeah, I feel your love towards your Jibrael and of course the strength of you and your Jibrael. Maybe, I don't know you but you are still my Islamic relative as well as your baby. Insya Allah, my du'a is always there for both of you. If you don't mind, I want to share your story with my friends. So, they can pray for you too. Be strong and trust Him! He is such a good planner (;

With Julia said...

Assalamualaikum mommy jibrail...nice to meet u in blogger...u are really brave mom! InsyaAllah, Allah will give u another great unexpected gift....doa...doa doa...plz its really precious moment to do it every single day...we all love bb jibrail...paradise Allah with u dear :D

Anonymous said...

Dear sabrina

my prayer goes to u n lil j.. u r the chosen one n i'm sure u r strong enuff to face all ths..may Allah swt ease yr journey..He knows d best indeed!!

nurulfyd said...

dear breen...moga terus kuat & tabah hadapi semuanya..hanya Allah tahu yg terbaik..b4 this i pun pernah kehilngan baby yg mner baby da meninggal dlm perut...In Shaa Allah semuanya ada sebab yg kite tak tahu Allah da tentukan..alfatihah buat putri jibrael zumirrah..

Nisa said...

Salaams, Very endearing to read about your experience. Insha Allah, you will be given a baby from Allah SWT. Please remind me in your duas also, as im also trying for a baby.

Mrs. Yajid said...

Assalamualaikum WBT.. I'm Bazlin. Knew you from Dena Bahrin's instagram.. Alhamdulillah.. Jibrael sekarang ada di syurga.. Sy faham perasaan awak coz sy sendiri juga mengalaminya. Cuma.. masa tu anak sy Qayyum Aisy dah cukup bulan and hanya tggu masa tuk lihat dunia ciptaan Allah ni. He's my first son.. semoga kita juga beramal n terus beramal.. so we can see our child in Jannah. In shaa Allah..

sakinah nur said...

assalamualaikum wbt. Takziah untuk akak, semoga ujian ni dapat mendekatkan lagi diri akak dgn Allah, ditingkatkan lagi pergantungan diri semata-mata terhadap Allah.

Apa yg saya dpt rasakan sayangnya Allah tu kpd hamba dia sbb makbulkan doa akak.

"I prayed to God every single day asking him to grant me with a 'zuriat' if it will bring me closer to His Love and if I am ready for motherhood"

insyaallah kita bersangka baik dengan Allah, and dgn kehilangan Jibrael adalah salah satu nikmat ujian dan cara yg akan buat akak makin dekat dgn Allah swt.

Subhanallah sy rasa sangat indah perjalanan hidup akak dalam mencari rahmat dan redha Allah. insyaallah3x salam =)

Anonymous said...

Dear Sabrina,i terlambat baca ur blog.. ); i really touching with ur story, i feel like crying & it remind me back with what was happened to me a few years ago ( in 2010-jan 2011).The same thing happened to me..PPROM..(leaking amniotic fluid at 20weeks) so sad...being warded for 30 days, me & my son both struggling everyday n me never stop praying the best for us.

But Allah knows the best..on 24 weeks i definitely feel the contraction and after few hours i safely delivered my baby.
after two hours my son (Arwah SYAFI) telah meninggalkan kami buat selama2nya...(sedih sgt) becoz of his lung are not fully developed (sgt lemah n xboleh survive)
so i understand how do u actually feel..

sedih sgt baca story u..mmg exactly happened to me n i felt all the hardships. everyday i menangis but my family especially husband keep me strong. Allah knows the best for us kan.

InsyaAllah Allah will replace your sorrow with happiness.. In every sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me Alhamdulillah, after a year (early of 2012 i get pregnant back and Alhamdulillah Allah give me very cute little son, healty n so active..now he just 7mths

banyakkan bersabar n berdoa ye. i teringat ada sorang ustaz ckp "tahniah" kat i sbb anak i meninggal..mula2 i wonder nape die ckp camtu pastu he just explain that "TAHNIAH la" sbb at least u dah tau salah seorang ahli keluarga u dah comfirm masuk syurga dan dia akan doakan u..so sabrina be strong...InsyaAllah Allah akan bagi u yg terbaik <;


Truly,
-sofia-

Syafiqah J. said...

Assalamualaikum Jibrael's mama :)

Just stumbled across your blog and finally to this blog post. Just like the rest of your readers, I couldn't help but cry. You are definitely a strong person and so is your precious little angel. I hope that Allah swt will continue to give you strength and you are doing fine now. InsyaAllah, one day, Jibrael will be a sister. I'm sure she will be a great sister by protecting him/her from above. You and Jibrael really inspires me to be a better person. Especially since i'm struggling to get closer to god.

I'm only 16 years old, but i know that when i grow up, i want to be a mummy as amazing as you, InsyaAllah :)

Lots of love from Singapore,
@Syafiqah_J

As said...

Moga Allah kurniakan rezeki yang tidak disangka-sangka, soon! Ameen.

Moga kak breen dikumpulkan kembali sekeluarga di jannatul firdaus tertinggi, ameen.

Me, striving for a child, still. Allah knows! ^_^

I feel you kakak. Love ❤️��

Amirah Huda said...

Assalamualaikum sis Breen. Subhana-Allah u're a strong person. I'm crying when read ur journey to have ur baby, Jibrael. You give some motivation here. Jibrael always with you sis. U're my inspired sis. You're strong enough faced all this. I wish that Allah bless u and ur husband and also your child, Jibrael.