Saturday, March 23, 2013

Expect the Unexpected III : The Training at the Hospital

A continuation of my previous posts:-

Expect the Unexpected. The Training at the Hospital

Being pregnant. Becoming a mother. Staying at the hospital for 78 days and then losing my baby. 

It was unexpected but it all turned out to be another life-changing experience. I had another life-changing experience when I went for Umrah when I finally understood the meaning of True Love  (see Part 1 : Unworthy Me). I realized in the hospital that the Umrah trip actually prepared me for my unexpected long-stay at the hospital.

Before my recent hospitalization, not many people would know that I was actually warded in the hospital for more than a month in 2 different hospitals in July 2010. I was hospitalized two weeks before, during and a month after my wedding (see Wedding Photos & Videos 1). I was granted special permission to leave the hospital just to attend my solemnization and wedding ceremonies, before being re-admitted. However, it was different back then. I lacked the wisdom. I failed to see it as a test from Him. I didn't accept what happened to me. I didn’t turn to Him.

That is why I am glad that I went for my Umrah before my recent hospitalization. I found myself much more calmer and more accepting of my situation. That was needed as I was hospitalized for a much longer period this time. Valuable experience and training indeed. Suddenly, I realize that I see things from a different perspective now. Not a different perspective from everyone else, but a different perspective from my own previous self, just over two years ago. I wouldn't have expected it.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Wedding of Your Parents Shima Adrina + Arziril : A note to baby DH

Remember the Funtastic Video : Shima + Arziril The Wedtertainment ? The awesomest bridal shower getaway video ever? Well here is the very much delayed post of the fun and funky wedding reception of one of my BFFs, Shimbad and her Arziril on 12th November 2011.

The last wedding post I did on my SB gang was Mimie Ties the Knot. So many wedding photos in that post. This one is no different. Too many photos to choose from!

The reason why I suddenly am moved to push myself and blog this post is because Shima is now in the labour room giving birth to their little baby DH! Arziril just whatsapped the SB group that her water just broke at 4.18am and I couldn't sleep because I'm super excited and nervous for her at the same time. She is in the labour room while I am typing this! 

I can't wait to see you little baby DH! Aunty Breen loves you!  

At 6.54 am we received this whatsapp in the group either from your mum or dad. 

"Alhamdulillah... baby and mommy ok... fresh from the oven.. 3.1kg... tq for all your doa"

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Expect the Unexpected II : My Besfriend's Late Mother, My 50-50, My 2012 Birthday Gift, My Late Grandmothers & My Dad's Accident

This is a continuation of my previous post Expect the Unexpected I : The Call, The Painting, The Gift of Love, The Place & The Office. 

~~The short stories of my recent unexpected incidents when I was pregnant and after I came back from Umrah last June (see True Love : Part 1 : Unworthy Me). My life-changing moments~~

Expect the Unexpected.
My Bestfriend’s Mother

It reminds me of the time before I was admitted to the hospital, when my bestfriend’s beautiful & lovely mother passed away. I’ve known her since I was young. I was the first person she called at around 3 a.m. I didn't believe it. I thought I was dreaming upon hearing the news. Then, I cried together with her. Non-stop. I immediately went to the hospital to be with her. I saw her mother’s body at the hospital. I cried together with my friends. I went to work crying. I felt for my best friend. Her pain, her loss. Her mother was still young, led a very healthy lifestyle. She was vibrant, bubbly and always very funny. Just like all of her daughters. My friends and I all loved her. She was not sick at all at the time. She passed away peacefully in her sleep. Allah loves her more, and Allah plans for the best. We kept reminding ourselves, again and again.

But then in the same morning, I found out my dad was also admitted to the hospital. Worry began to overcome me. I cried so much that I had to wear sunglasses in the office. I asked permission to go back early. My heart was not there. Especially so soon when life teaches you that anyone can depart this earth at any time, you realize that whatever time you have with your parents is very precious. Their health, their company. Things can change in a blink of an eye. I had to go see my dad who was at the hospital that day. I cried all the way from the office. I also wanted to be there for my sahabat, my dear Ruzana Ibrahim. I did not know what to say because I felt the loss so much. I just didn’t know what to say because I always feel that no words from another person can comfort a person who has just lost someone dear. So I did not say anything. Al-Fatihah.

Her children showed amazing strength to support each other, to take turns with each other to be strong when  one was weak, and they pulled through. Life gives you challenges: You have to show resilience to overcome them. And they showed me how. Praises to God Almighty.

Expect the Unexpected. 
My 50-50

It reminds me of the biggest and happiest “Unexpected” gifts in my life so far, first unexpectedly finding out I was pregnant. The husband and I were both overwhelmed with contentment when we found out. Then another “Unexpected” twist, when I found out that what I thought was pee was actually my water rupturing early at 16 weeks. Finally, it was the “Heartbreaking Moment” when it was confirmed that my water broke early and when I was advised that for me to continue keeping my child in my tummy was highly risky to both our lives. In a blink of an eye, my pregnancy turned from a normal pregnancy into an extremely complicated pregnancy. I had to be on strict bedrest until I delivered my baby (see my previous post PPROM). The doctors said we had a 50-50 chance to survive. Both myself and my baby, my precious Jibrael.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Expect the Unexpected I : The Call, the Painting, The Gift of Love, The Place & The Office.

This post was written last week, on 6th March 2013 to pour out my feelings in words. I was hesitant to publish this. But after what happened today, I decided I should. The post is so long that I’ll publish it in 3 parts.

Expect the Unexpected. 
The Call

I received an unexpected call from the hospital today. I was shocked. Last week was the first time I returned to the hospital since I was discharged after 78 days of strict bedrest there. The doctors did some tests on me.  The doctor said that I have to go to the hospital again for further tests to be done to confirm certain things that scared me because they discovered an abnormality in the tests. This abnormality does not happen to many people especially my age. Honestly, after all that I’ve been through, it is the last thing that I wanted to hear right now. Going to the hospital again. More tests to be done. I did not expect that. Not so soon.

Expect the Unexpected. 
The Painting.

After that call : after battling the waves of a million conflicting emotions; as I fought and failed, fought and struggled, fought and won, but fought and lost again against weakness and despair; after diving in to find and dig whatever strength left I have inside of me once more to face this, I sat and contemplated. 

I was reminded of the painting ‘Expect the Unexpected’ at Chapter 1 : Rebirth, ironically titled in a way that I would not realize until today. The painting by Akhmal Asyraf which I saw at R A Fine Arts the gallery yesterday. Unaware of what I would unexpectedly (of course, otherwise I would have expected it and it would no longer be unexpected) be facing today. I sat for a long while scrutinizing that painting alone while a voice inside my head kept on repeating again and again “expect the unexpected”. I didn’t even realize that I said it out loud once until I noticed a few people staring at me. Whoops. But I do know that the phrase is very, very true.

Expect the Unexpected. 
The Gift of Love

Yesterday, I also received some gifts from a wonderful kind-hearted stranger, someone I’ve never met but only got to know through Instagram. Lately, I’ve been receiving gifts from friends and also from people who I’ve never met but have shown a lot of concern for me. To be honest, it’s a little embarassing but at the same time I can’t help but feel touched by the generosity and concern shown. 

During my long stay at the hospital, other than friends and family I also had strangers (who are now friends) visiting me, giving me words of encouragement and a beautiful soul even sent a card from overseas to someone she has never met and what not to help lift my spirits. With everything that is going wrong in this world, it is very moving to know that the human spirit amongst us is very warm and wonderful. I am very grateful for everything. I feel blessed.

Friday, March 8, 2013

The Place That I Used to Know - Part 1

This is a continuation of my previous post : Rediscovering the World

The tune ringing in my head now..
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense
The above lyrics to Somebody that I used to Know by Gotye & Kimbra has no connection whatsoever to this post but suddenly the tune is in my head when I’m writing this post.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Chapter 1 : Rebirth : A solo exhibition by Akhmal Asyraf

I've always wanted to write more about one of my greatest passions: art. Art comes in many forms, but art is all about expression. Art is all around us, everywhere. I've always wanted to share more on art and art exhibitions. I've been exposed to the art world since I was small, inheriting my dad's love for the arts. I've written a bit about it in one of my first ever blog posts: the persistence of memory.

I think I have been to almost all of RA Fine Arts, the Gallery exhibitions since 2007, but sadly, I don't think I've ever posted about any exhibitions yet, as much as I've always wanted to. I took photos every time, but in the end I never blogged anything. (Facebook albums  shared with friends do not count eventhough I posted quite a number back then).

I suppose the reason I haven't been blogging about it (apart from being busy) is because my expectations are too high on myself. Especially being surrounded by artistically inclined people in the local art scene. Without me realizing, I created unnecessary pressure on myself to translate what I feel and the thoughts in my mind into words. But now, I think I've accepted the fact. I am no professional art-critic. Far from it. Just someone who enjoys the arts and its beauty. I enjoy seeing and be in touch with my thoughts and feelings when I see it. Praises to God for the inspiration and for granting me those feelings and giving me the chance to enjoy all this.

So, that's the not so short story of the BIRTH of my first post on an art exhibition! This post. :)