Father to my 2 Children in Heaven11:30:00 AM
I remember when we were expecting our second baby Adik Jibrael recently, we thought that this Father's Day we will be holding our second born child. If we didn't lose that second pregnancy, at this moment, I can't even imagine how we will be spending today. I would have been in confinement on maternity leave now. But there shouldn't be any 'ifs' or 'would've beens'. Even if it appears in our heads for a split second.
Today is Khubayb's 4th Father's Day after I gave birth to Jibrael on 14th January 2013.
And now, the father to our 2 children in heaven. JIbrael and her Adik.
I did a dedication post some time ago in "11 months : A Dedication to My Daughter's Father". I know it wasn't easy for him as a father to lose our first child, and I expressed it in that post. Now, we lost 2 and I still can't even begin to express it. But here's another dedication, on this special day.
My dearest Abdullah Khubayb,
The strong and loving father to our two children in heaven, Jibrael and her Adik. I wish I have photos of you and our kids together I can share here but I don't. We might not have photos together with them here but the beautiful memories are etched in our minds and always in our hearts. In this world, we take photos as everything is temporary. We want to keep beautiful memories because everything will perish. But, in heaven when we meet them one sweet day hopefully, we might not even have to take photos. Beautiful memories will be created all the time as that life is eternal and permanent.
Anyway, here are some photos of when you were little and when I first knew you 10 years ago. Captured them this morning from the collage book.
The love of a father to their children is unconditional and will never die even if they're not physically with us in this temporary world anymore. Our love to our two children in heaven will never end and we will miss them till we get to see them again one sweet day.
I know nothing is harder than seeing Jibrael taking her last breath and having to bury her. Our first child. You were there, I wasn't. The pain doesn't end there. I remember initially I felt some sort of jealousy of not being able to be there due to my condition after the emergency c-section surgery. Long after that I realised that God must have fated that only you were there to witness it because you were strong enough to witness the unimaginable. I caught a fever when they had to the emergency c-sec, before and after. Everyone was worried. I couldn't stay with Jibrael and you as they had to put me at another place. After what seems like a lifetime to me, being separated with Jibrael when she has been in me the whole time and after seeing her and holding her at the NICU you came to me. You told me she has passed away and returned to the Creator. You hugged me so tightly and we said it together. To Our Creator we belong and to Him we will all return. With tears running down our faces. Without the love that we have for her, there wouldn't have been any tears. But we are only human. God has fated for her to go to heaven and wait for us there.
As much as its a truly great blessing to have 2 children in heaven waiting for us, the pain of letting go your children to take the shortcut to heaven is unexplainable and can sometimes be unbearable. You went through the unimaginable @kneok and for that I'm so proud of how strong you have been. I'm pretty sure that our 2 in heaven are pretty proud of the changed person you've turned out to be as their father.
Some people say it too. You have children waiting in heaven. But don't truly believe in it. Because when they say it, they say it with pity, sympathy and sadness. If they believe that it's true, then why the sad face?
But, this kind of things only both of us will understand. When we talk about Jibrael or her Adik, we smile about it. We remember the beautiful memories. And sometimes, we talk about how we imagine the place they're at which is beautiful beyond imagination. Like during birthday parties, we talk about how in heaven it will be like kids parties everyday for them as they get the best of things that does not even exist in this temporary world we live in. We believe our children are in the best of place they could ever be. The place we can only pray to go to. May God forgive all our sins in the past, present and future, obvious or hidden, may it be easy for them to pull us to be together with them in heaven and may we get to meet them and live happily ever after in heaven one sweet day.
We are truly blessed to have each other throughout the journey of being reunited with our children in heaven, one sweet day, if God wills it. People always look to mothers who have lost their children, but seldom actually realise that the father loss their children too. I know that your pain towards these losses are the same, if not more. It's different though but it doesn't mean that it's lesser. I know it's tough and sometimes people don't acknowledge that you are the father to our children in heaven but it's okay. God knows, I know, the closest to us and our family knows and our children in heaven definitely know it. We just get through this life and it's challenges because life was never meant to be easy anyways and InsyaAllah our blissful time with our children, when we get to meet them in heaven, all the sacrifices and pain we go through in this world will be worth it. If God wills it.
I love you Sayang, my Abdullah Khubayb aka @kneok.
Happy Father's Day, today and everyday! :)
PEACE & LOVE!