Leftover Woman but Free
9:52:00 AM
I just saw this
very touching and concerning video about one of the pressures that women in
China face – being labelled as “Sheng Nu”. Literally meaning “Leftover Woman”
it refers to women above 25 who are not married. It got me upset. Just the
meaning leftover woman is very demeaning and implies that a woman who is not
married by 25, is no longer desirable and is a “leftover”. Wow. That is just
unbelievable and that label doesn’t have a place in today’s world anymore. At
least, that is what I personally think.
I guess it doesn’t
surprise me, as women are facing the same pressures here locally. Everyone asks
you when you’re getting married. And once you are married, when are you getting
children. And once you have children, when are you getting more children. The
pressure is always there. Simple questions like “when are you getting married?”
or “when are you having a child?” although very simple and well-meaning, can be
very hurtful to those asked.
I have written
and spoken about this a lot. A woman’s role in society have changed a lot since
the old days, and people need to accept this. It doesn’t matter if you’re a
stay-at-home housewife by choice, or if you’re single and independent and
trail-blazing your career: every woman has their own role and their own
journey. And they all have to make certain sacrifices to go on that journey.
And all of us, we are all strong women for making that choice and sacrifice.
A woman can be
independent and single – by her own choice. A woman can be married and choose
to work – by her own choice. A woman can be married and become a devoted
fulltime mother – by her own choice. No one is better than the other. No one
should feel better than the other.
I chose to marry
at the age of 25 years old – not because I was pressured to, but because both
my husband and I were ready for it. There was no pressure. I have never judged
those who have yet to marry, because I do not know what journey they have gone
through, and what their destination and goal in life is – and because of that,
I only offer encouragement and support in whatever it is they chose and want to
do.
For myself, I
have always been ambitious and passionate in everything I do. After studying
law for 5 years, I was very ambitious and worked just as hard or harder than
everyone else to get to the top. I used to work long and insane hours, most of
the time working overnight and over the weekends without sleep. I used to be
involved in fields of law that everyone said “were not suitable for women” just
to prove that women too can excel in any area they choose. I was extremely
lucky to have a husband who supported my ambitions and passion towards what I
chose to work on at the time. I remember not many people agreed with the way I
worked and see it as abnormal for me to work like that.
Then, after
being in legal practice for almost 7 years, I decided to switch career into
fashion and start from scratch all over again. It wasn’t an easy decision and
the challenges are definitely many, but I am also thankful of my husband’s
support of my career change together with the challenges that come with it. But
for single women who choose to advance in their careers, they too should
deserve all the support for their choices. People who pursue their passions and
ambitions, who refuse to get married just for the sake of it, they should not
be shunned or pressured into conforming to society.
A lot of people
say that girls who do not marry early, are either unattractive or very picky.
But that is definitely not true. I know of a few very respectable women who I really look
up to who have chosen not to marry yet – and they are very attractive, very
polished and have a lot of admirers and suitors. Yet they chose not to marry. And
if people cannot say that they are unattractive or very picky, they then try to
label them as career minded – I don’t think that is wrong, because it is their
choice.
The key to
mutual respect and awareness that women have a right to choose how to live
their life is very important. That’s why I support the #changedestiny campaign launched
by SK-II to inspire and empower women to pursue and create their own destiny.
Even though the pressure from society may be because of well-meaning love and
concern, it is time more people understood and accept this change. The ending
of the video is a little heart-warming, as the parents of these left-over women
finally see their children for who they really are – independent, strong and
beautiful women, and most importantly, happy with the choices they make in
life.
But then, watch
it for yourself first and let me know what you think of it too!
PEACE &
LOVE!
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