A piece of cloth on my head: My Hijab Journey 3
10:22:00 PM
In my previous post A piece of cloth on my head: My Hijab Journey 1 I shared about my mischievous past and how going to university
helped to start my change in A piece of cloth on my head: My Hijab Journey 2.
I remember that
when one of my close cousins said that she would wear the tudung when she gets married, I could not even imagine that I will
be wearing it even after I got married. That was my perspective back then. And
of course, there were a lot of comments saying things like “wearing the tudung is ‘kampung’ (for the people who stay in the villages) or people who
wears the hijab are closed minded people.
I had my own
doubts in my mind like :
“what’s the use of wearing the hijab because
people already know of my past sins and will judge me on that?” or
“why
wear the hijab because I’ll be labeled a hypocrite if I am still going to
commit sins anyways?”
which held me
back from wearing the hijab.
Who inspired me?
However, when I was in university, I was inspired
by so many people who were properly wearing the hijab and practicing an
important part of our faith. I met ladies who were real geniuses and dean’s list
students, with perfect English. They were very smart people who were open,
normal, funny, weren’t preachy or judgmental. I slowly realized it was me who
was judgmental. It was my own judgmental views of people who wore the tudung which held me back, and I felt
ashamed that I even had such a prejudiced and misconceived views. And I am a Muslim.
I was also
blessed with a roommate who came from a totally different background than mine
and it opened up my eyes to a different world altogether. It was shocking to me
at first, but at that time, I was her first and only friend who did not wear a
tudung. At that time, I barely had any friends who wore the tudung. We were
worlds apart. However, she was not judgmental of me though. She accepted me for
the person that I was and she touched my heart with her kindness. A lot of my
changes came from her. She reminded me to pray and also read Quranic verses
melodiously which made me want to learn the verses that she recited. She was
one of the few persons who made me fall in love with the religion.
She was the
angel who always reminded me when I forgot and she always corrected me with
soft words and a lot of understanding. Even when her words cut deep in my heart
and I knew that she was right, sometimes it would hurt my ego and pride and in
my arrogance I would sometimes ignore her. And there were a lot of times that I
really forget. There were times when I left my prayers without feeling
guilty. When I committed sins and did
not repent.
I can’t imagine
how she felt at that time being an older sister that I never had who had to
constantly guide and remind me. We were roommates for four years. She really
took care of me and I believe that Allah made us friends to guide me through
her and I am really blessed to have known her and have her at that crucial
point of change in my life at that time.
There were so
many other inspiring people around me, but I’ll just mention one more: a hafizah (someone who memorises the whole
of the Holy Quran) whose English was perfect and would always get good grades
in uni and she did not even have to try hard like the rest of us to study (I
suppose when you can memorize the whole Quran, everything else seems so much
easier). But she was normal. She liked to play video games. In fact, she
skipped university classes to play video games! She was awesome. She was funny
too and she was also a kind friend.
I also started
befriending more Muslims from all over the world in the university that I went
to who had a totally different viewpoint from the common perception Malaysians
have. To them, wearing the hijab was seen to be a beautiful and liberating
choice. It was seen as something to be cherished. Something to be proud of.
Something that is still relevant and not an outdated ideal. They were not
apologetic about it. It was not a handicap or a nuisance.
It was something
that changed my mindset. It helped me reduce the self-doubts that I had. Okay,
okay. I know at this point, I still haven’t answered the question: what made me
wear a piece of cloth on my head. Hehe. So what was the crucial point that made
me change? I’ll share in my next post in this My Hijab Journey series. I promise!
to be continued...
(All photos were taken in 2007 at the university where I read law)
PEACE & LOVE!
3 comments
Oh...same university of mine...hi alumniss..we study at archi. department..where the no life study begins...hahah
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ReplyDeletekak breen your articles makes me in tears..can't wait for the next post of your hijab journey..you are so blessed to meet 2 friends of yours, your roommate and hafizah..take care..amirah :) xxxx
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