A Fresh New Start5:58:00 PM
Hello everyone. I know I have been absent from the blogosphere for a while. My last post was 10 days ago. So here I am. I miss this.
But, as much as I haven’t been blogging this past 10 days, I have been thinking about my blog almost all the time.
Part of the reason why I haven’t blogged was because I can only find time to blog during weekends or at night after I am done with work. Also because of several new changes in my life very recently.
But I guess I also really needed some space and time to take a step back and think about my blog.
I am pretty sure that my readers can see from my blog posts that recently I have only been sharing my looks and fashion posts but I haven’t been posting about personal stuffs. At most, I shared about my travels.
I realize that. And it was intentional.
For those who have followed my blog for some time you would have realized that I normally share a lot of what I experience as well as what I feel. But then I stopped.
I made the decision to stop sharing just about 4 months ago. Something happened which hit me really bad. At that time, I honestly felt like quitting Instagram and quitting writing on my blog altogether. Or at least take it offline.
Certain comments on the blog or IG especially about my personal life has left me quite hurt. Comments that were really hurtful.
I really don’t mind if people criticize me on my style or fashion sense or work because that can be improved. But when people comment about things that you can’t change especially personal things it just really hurts. Of course when it happens to others, I will say just try your best to ignore it. But when it happened to me, I now know that it is easier said than done.
I know I am not alone facing this and it’s probably not as much as other people have to face. When I look at all the shameful and thoughtless comments people leave on the IG of those that I know: Fasha, Nora, Lisa, Yuna etc. it just makes me wonder what kind of society we live in now when people feel so bold to attack other people without a second thought. Things they wouldn’t say to your face but effortlessly write just because they are hiding behind the keyboard or smartphone. But it still hurts. We are all human.
Because of all this and more, I decided to stop posting about my personal life. Here on the blog. I stopped sharing what I feel for quite awhile, just leaving vague hints of what has been happening in my life right now.
However, because of that, my blog feels somewhat empty. Because there are a lot of things that I have not been able to express. And this emptiness is caused by my own limitations. I have set that limit to not share or express my feelings here in my own blog. Just because of what certain things had made me feel. I feel that I cannot release what it is in my mind and my heart just because of what has happened before. But there’s a trade off. When you share, you open yourself up and become vulnerable to these attacks. And they hurt. Trust me, they do.
The closest to me saw how it affected me and they supported my decision when I said I am no longer going to write about my feelings but am just going to only talk about personal stuffs and feelings to those closest to me. However, I find that I’m not able to express myself through talking all the time. And not everyone has the time to listen. Everyone is going through their own challenges in different ways. Maybe different types of problems but everyone is going through something.
My blog has been a therapeutic space for me to jot down my feelings and express myself and share the things around me. But when I set that limit it doesn’t really do that to me anymore but only acts as a distraction to mask what I actually feel.
I feel that something is wrong somewhere. I did not feel the satisfaction that I used to feel every time I clicked the “publish” button to upload a blog post.
So I did a little soul and self (blog) searching. I read back on my posts and whether it’s still worth it to continue with this or just pack up my bags. I was just curious on what I felt when I first started up this blog and I went to my first post on this blog in April 2009 (wow, 5 years ago). And it was there I found the answers to why I started this blog of mine.
Since I have realized the above, today, I have decided. Not to hold back anymore. I am going to share what I feel and what I think, with the hopes that other than benefitting myself it will benefit at least seven other persons out there. If it can benefit 7 people out there, it will be enough to make me happy. J That’s my goal. If I can’t change the world, I’ll at least change myself and change the world of 7 people around me.
Today I am opening a new chapter in my blog. Don’t get me wrong. The travel posts and the fashion look posts are fun, and I enjoy doing it. And they are not going away. But that’s not all I am about. That’s not who I am entirely. I am much more than that. And I will open up and share once again here.
It just feels right again. Coincidentally, in the month of Syawal. A month for new beginnings.
Phew, feels good to let that off my chest.
Okay…. Now that’s out of the way…
So …what has been happening in my life the past 10 days?
Well, there’s another reason why I have not had a lot of time to blog. I have just moved into a new place with the husband! Exciting times!
PEACE & LOVE!