A continuation of my previous posts:-

 

Expect the Unexpected I & Expect the Unexpected II & Expect the Unexpected III

 

Expect the Unexpected. What I Experienced

I think everything that has happened to me, has been timed and arranged perfectly so that I would be able to face my trials with patience and faith. In a way, I think I have slowly been trained and conditioned to face life’s challenges in stages. I felt it so deep.

When I was hospitalised I didn't know what was going happen to happen the next minute. To my baby Jibrael or to me. I could have experienced a miscarriage or suffered a worse fate if I had caught an infection. Any day could've been our last day. Every day I went to sleep afraid that I wouldn't wake up the next day.

I still feel that, until now.

Every night before I sleep my husband always reminds me. Bismikallah amutu wa ahya. In God's name I die and wake up. For Him.

As the fate of my life and death and also my daughter’s life depended solely on the Almighty, His Word slowly sunk in me. 

From that experience I learned so much. Only He knows what is going to happen next. So I have to remind myself again and again: trust Him. Trust His plans for us. Trust that everything that He has decided and determined for us are the best for us. Everything will be okay. This world and everything in it is not permanent. Everything is temporary. If we face the tests in this world with patience, we will be rewarded in the Hereafter. InsyaAllah. Just persevere with prayers.

The prophet reminds us that we can never make promises or plan ahead without saying God-willing, because everything happens only if He wills it. He is the best of planners.

We are human. We have our moments of weakness. Ignore judgmental remarks. From those who have not walked in our shoes. We know better our limits. But our Creator knows it much better than us. Know that He knows best. He will not test us beyond what we can individually bear. But His tests come in the form of hardships or success.

One of my best friends, Fahima Salleh reminded me of this verse which she took from my cousin Zalikha Anas' desk (the work in the same office):

“Do people think that they will be left alone

because they say “we believe”

and will not be tested?”

(29:2)

This made me smile. :) The more we believe, the more He will test us. That is His promise.

I might seem like an open book right now, but what I blog, tweet or share via social media is not even a quarter of the story of my life. 

I realize now that everyone undergoes their own trials and tribulations. Some are heavier than others. Some clear for all to see, most are hidden and so heavy we feel that it cannot be shared. Sometimes when we might feel that no one understands or everything is going against us, we have to remind ourselves to be thankful. Because when we are in that position, when we have no other option left but to turn to Him, it is because He wants us to remember Him. It means we’ve strayed too far from Him. We must put away our arrogance and return to Him. God-willing, we will feel His love. Only God knows exactly what His slaves, His creations are going through. And only He knows the precise prescription for our internal and external ailments.

 Expect the Unexpected : Always A Way Out

“And for those who fear God, He (ever) prepares a way out,

And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine.

And if any one puts his trust in God, sufficient is God for him.

For God will surely accomplish his purpose:

verily, for all things has God appointed a due proportion.”

(65:2-3)

I recited this every day when it was just me and her in my tummy. When no one else was around. 

One of my favourite verses ever since it was shared with me when I was 15 years old. Whatever it is, God has prepared a way out for us, if we only ask and pray for Him to show us the way. He has provided for us, in ways that we can never imagine. Unexpected delights, unexpected sorrows. Both in a balance. Both must be treated the same way. For both we must hold on tight to His Way.

In the past, I have often been guilty of not remembering Him during my times of joy and happiness. Not attributing my worldly achievements and milestones to His blessings and mercy. I’ve learnt so much this past few months so I hope I will never forget. I’ve never felt more content in my life than I am now.

Expect the Unexpected : My daughter, my teacher  

When I was carrying Jibrael, I often told her that I couldn't wait for her to come out when the time is right, so that I could raise her and teach her about this life. It turns out that Jibrael was the one who taught me what life was all about. She is my inspiration and the one who gave me so much strength, just by carrying her. She's the strongest soul I've ever known in this world. She fought and beat the odds till her last breath. Only those close to me knows how strong she was. Those who were with me throughout the whole journey. I wouldn't even try to explain because I know I would not be able to express it in words.

Who would have thought that a daughter can teach her mother so much, even before she could speak. That is another unexpected gift I have received. To give birth to a daughter who offered so much wisdom.  

My angel. My beautiful princess.

Putri Jibrael Zumirrah. 

Zumirrah = "The one who possesses wisdom."

(53:6)  of the Quran

“Zumirrah Fastawa”

Translation 

~by Muhsin Khan~

Dhu Mirrah (free from any defect in body and mind), 

Fastawa [then he (Jibrael - Gabriel) rose and became stable]. 

~by Yusuf Ali~

Endued with Wisdom: for he appeared (in stately form);

God taught me through my daughter. He guided me through her. Alhamdulillah.

Continuous praises to God for providing me all the unexpected & unimaginable beyond beautiful gifts. 

I am writing all this down because it feels good for me to record my thoughts, emotions and feelings in words. It is for me to revisit later, when I might grow complacent. And yes, to also share with everyone a little bit of what I am feeling right now. Sometimes we know but we tend to forget. I am only human. Especially when the unexpected happens again. We need reminders straight away. I can’t always depend on people to remind me so this is my way of reminding myself, in the future. We actually need reminders all the time and without us realizing, hardships are the greatest reminders we can get. Isn't it? The most valuable lessons of life can only be gained through hardships and experiences, not through theories. 

God knows best.

Some lessons can only be learned through sacrifices. And now I must try and remain consistent. And share with everyone as much as I can.

To be continued... 

See my previous posts:-

 

Expect the Unexpected I : The Call, The Painting, The Gift of Love, The Place, The Office & 

Expect theUnexpected II : My Bestie's Mom, My 50-50, My 2012 Birthday Gift, My Beloved Grandmothers & My Dad's Accident

Expect the Unexpected III : The Training at the Hospital