Expect the Unexpected I : The Call, the Painting, The Gift of Love, The Place & The Office.
10:30:00 PM
This post was
written last week, on 6th March 2013 to pour out my feelings in
words. I was hesitant to publish this. But after what happened today, I decided
I should. The post is so long that I’ll publish it in 3 parts.
Expect the Unexpected.
The Call
The Call
I received an
unexpected call from the hospital today. I was shocked. Last week was the first
time I returned to the hospital since I was discharged after 78 days of strict
bedrest there. The doctors did some tests on me. The doctor said that I have to go to the
hospital again for further tests to be done to confirm certain things that
scared me because they discovered an abnormality in the tests. This
abnormality does not happen to many people especially my age. Honestly, after
all that I’ve been through, it is the last thing that I wanted to hear right
now. Going to the hospital again. More tests to be done. I did not expect that.
Not so soon.
Expect the Unexpected.
The Painting.
The Painting.
After that call :
after battling the waves of a million conflicting emotions; as I fought and
failed, fought and struggled, fought and won, but fought and lost again against
weakness and despair; after diving in to find and dig whatever strength left I
have inside of me once more to face this, I sat and contemplated.
I was reminded
of the painting ‘Expect the Unexpected’ at Chapter 1 : Rebirth, ironically
titled in a way that I would not realize until today. The painting by Akhmal
Asyraf which I saw at R A Fine Arts the gallery yesterday. Unaware of what I
would unexpectedly (of course, otherwise I would have expected it and it would
no longer be unexpected) be facing today. I sat for a long while scrutinizing
that painting alone while a voice inside my head kept on repeating again and
again “expect the unexpected”. I didn’t even realize that I said it out loud
once until I noticed a few people staring at me. Whoops. But I do know that the phrase is very, very true.
Expect the Unexpected.
The Gift of Love
The Gift of Love
Yesterday, I also
received some gifts from a wonderful kind-hearted stranger, someone I’ve never
met but only got to know through Instagram. Lately, I’ve been receiving gifts
from friends and also from people who I’ve never met but have shown a lot of
concern for me. To be honest, it’s a little embarassing but at the same time I
can’t help but feel touched by the generosity and concern shown.
During my long
stay at the hospital, other than friends and family I also had strangers (who
are now friends) visiting me, giving me words of encouragement and a beautiful
soul even sent a card from overseas to someone she has never met and what not
to help lift my spirits. With everything that is going wrong in this world, it
is very moving to know that the human spirit amongst us is very warm and
wonderful. I am very grateful for everything. I feel blessed.
Expect the Unexpected.
The Place
The Place
I have been
slowly going out to rediscover the world. And I’ve been trying to do that
without solely depending on my husband, who used to be the one who had to drag
me out of the house since I was discharged. This past week, I managed to go out
without him. I followed my family to the Big Bad Wolf sale (twice!) while he
was at work, so I think I’m slowly making progress.
But even then, I
didn’t expect myself to be ready so soon to go to “The Place I Used to Know”. I
accompanied my dad to conduct a press conference for the launching of a solo
art exhibition, Chapter 1: Rebirth by Akhmal Asyraf this Saturday. It was very
weird, but unexpectedly, everything came back to me and seemed familiar towards
the end. Not totally comfortable, but I think I’ll get there.
Expect the unexpected.
The Office
The Office
Yesterday, I
didn’t expect myself to be ready to set foot on my office. My colleagues aka
close friends of mine were all so proud of me. Because it was unexpected. Not
just for them, but for me too. I didn’t think I was going there because I was
not ready. They know it was a big step especially for me. Because they have
known my progress since before I was pregnant. They understood, cared and knew a
lot of what I have been going through. They know it was not easy for me. They
were so excited that I thought that their reactions were actually cute when
they posted pictures on instagram saying “Breen is here!”. I looked nervous in
the pictures they took though. I didn’t realize at that time but it was just overwhelming
for me to return to the office after so long.
To be continued...
(here)
(here)
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