Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Expect the Unexpected I : The Call, the Painting, The Gift of Love, The Place & The Office.

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This post was written last week, on 6th March 2013 to pour out my feelings in words. I was hesitant to publish this. But after what happened today, I decided I should. The post is so long that I’ll publish it in 3 parts.

Expect the Unexpected. 
The Call

I received an unexpected call from the hospital today. I was shocked. Last week was the first time I returned to the hospital since I was discharged after 78 days of strict bedrest there. The doctors did some tests on me.  The doctor said that I have to go to the hospital again for further tests to be done to confirm certain things that scared me because they discovered an abnormality in the tests. This abnormality does not happen to many people especially my age. Honestly, after all that I’ve been through, it is the last thing that I wanted to hear right now. Going to the hospital again. More tests to be done. I did not expect that. Not so soon.

Expect the Unexpected. 
The Painting.

After that call : after battling the waves of a million conflicting emotions; as I fought and failed, fought and struggled, fought and won, but fought and lost again against weakness and despair; after diving in to find and dig whatever strength left I have inside of me once more to face this, I sat and contemplated. 

I was reminded of the painting ‘Expect the Unexpected’ at Chapter 1 : Rebirth, ironically titled in a way that I would not realize until today. The painting by Akhmal Asyraf which I saw at R A Fine Arts the gallery yesterday. Unaware of what I would unexpectedly (of course, otherwise I would have expected it and it would no longer be unexpected) be facing today. I sat for a long while scrutinizing that painting alone while a voice inside my head kept on repeating again and again “expect the unexpected”. I didn’t even realize that I said it out loud once until I noticed a few people staring at me. Whoops. But I do know that the phrase is very, very true.


Expect the Unexpected. 
The Gift of Love

Yesterday, I also received some gifts from a wonderful kind-hearted stranger, someone I’ve never met but only got to know through Instagram. Lately, I’ve been receiving gifts from friends and also from people who I’ve never met but have shown a lot of concern for me. To be honest, it’s a little embarassing but at the same time I can’t help but feel touched by the generosity and concern shown. 

During my long stay at the hospital, other than friends and family I also had strangers (who are now friends) visiting me, giving me words of encouragement and a beautiful soul even sent a card from overseas to someone she has never met and what not to help lift my spirits. With everything that is going wrong in this world, it is very moving to know that the human spirit amongst us is very warm and wonderful. I am very grateful for everything. I feel blessed.


Expect the Unexpected. 
The Place

I have been slowly going out to rediscover the world. And I’ve been trying to do that without solely depending on my husband, who used to be the one who had to drag me out of the house since I was discharged. This past week, I managed to go out without him. I followed my family to the Big Bad Wolf sale (twice!) while he was at work, so I think I’m slowly making progress. 

But even then, I didn’t expect myself to be ready so soon to go to “The Place I Used to Know”. I accompanied my dad to conduct a press conference for the launching of a solo art exhibition, Chapter 1: Rebirth by Akhmal Asyraf this Saturday. It was very weird, but unexpectedly, everything came back to me and seemed familiar towards the end. Not totally comfortable, but I think I’ll get there. 

Expect the unexpected. 
The Office

Yesterday, I didn’t expect myself to be ready to set foot on my office. My colleagues aka close friends of mine were all so proud of me. Because it was unexpected. Not just for them, but for me too. I didn’t think I was going there because I was not ready. They know it was a big step especially for me. Because they have known my progress since before I was pregnant. They understood, cared and knew a lot of what I have been going through. They know it was not easy for me. They were so excited that I thought that their reactions were actually cute when they posted pictures on instagram saying “Breen is here!”. I looked nervous in the pictures they took though. I didn’t realize at that time but it was just overwhelming for me to return to the office after so long.

To be continued... 
(here)
 

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